The Jerry Springer Show: DBZ Style
by TheDemon2300
Summary: Trunks and Goten have a secret that their parents need to know about, but they have no idea how to tell them. So who do they turn to? None other than Jerry Springer himself! Chaos and Randomness ensue as many other characters arrive with their own stories
1. Chapter 1

This is a repost. This was once taken off for violations of the "terms of agreement" or whatever...I don't see why they took it off after it had been up for like 2 years. All because it's in Script format...well, screw you! This is still fanfiction, it was just written in this format because it was once an RP in a Yahoo Group. If it gets removed again, you can bet I'll just find another host for it. While still uncompleted, this is still a classic comedy that should be enjoyed by many many people. Everyone who has ever watched Dragon Ball Z should read this, even if you haven't seen The Jerry Springer Show. I hope you all enjoy it while it lasts.

TheDemon2300

One more thing: My warning for this entire thing.

Do NOT, under ANY Circumstance, eat or drink while reading this. I am NOT responsible for any kind of choking or other injury that might be sustained due to the laughter caused by reading this.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Scene: A TV studio somewhere in Satan City. The audience begins  
to chant: Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry... The lights go bright. In  
walks Jerry Springer!

Jerry: (Looking into the camera) There's a young man seated on stage  
that has a secret to tell. What is it? Well just hang in there and  
find out. Trunks, tell us why you're here.

Seated on stage in a simple folding chair is Trunks. He looks out at  
the audience and then turns to Jerry.

Trunks: My life is all screwed up. I think its because my father  
never hugged me and my mother is a whore.

The audience roars.

Jerry: Whoa! But you know there are a lot of people who have messed  
up lives.

Trunks: Well I'm different than other people. My whole family is  
different. I've discovered something about myself recently and I  
think my father is gonna flip out on me.

Jerry: Let's find out. Vegeta, come on out.

**_Chapter 2_**

Vegeta walks on stage, stands before Trunks, and punches him in the  
face.

Vegeta: Don't ever call your mother a whore!

Audience: Roars

Bouncers run up, grab Vegeta and are thrown over the audience into  
the far wall of the studio. The wall cracks, the bouncers slowly  
slide down into a heap.

Vegeta: Insects!

Vegeta turns toward Trunks, who is still rubbing his face from the  
punch.

Vegeta: Now let's get out of here. I promised Nappa that we'd  
destroy a few planets tonight.

Trunks: No.

Vegeta: Don't irritate me boy!

Trunks: You know that I'm stronger than you, father, so please sit  
down and listen.

Vegeta goes SSJ3

Vegeta: WHAT? You insolent brat! I am the prince of all Saiyans! If  
it weren't for your mother, I would have ended your miserable life  
years ago! You are WEAK and PATHETIC!

Trunks: Am I? I am the one who destroyed Cell.

Vegeta: That was Gohan.

Trunks: Well, I will destroy him in the future.

Vegeta: Idiot! How can you destroy someone who's already destroyed?

Trunks: In another time line... Cell kills you and I kill Cell.

Vegeta: You're right. You are screwed up. What you really need is a  
psychiatrist. Other time lines... delusions of grandeur... ?  
Maybe your mother is a whore. I find it hard to believe that you  
really are my son. I'm through with you! Prepare to die!

Jerry: Ok, Ok... Vegeta, please calm down.

Bulma rushes on stage...

Bulma: VEGETA! DON'T YOU DARE!

Vegeta powers down and looks at Bulma

Bulma: NOW SIT DOWN AND LISTEN TO WHAT TRUNKS HAS TO SAY!

Vegeta mumbles to himself and takes a seat next to Trunks.

_**Chapter 3**_

The crowd begins to chant once again.

Crowd: Jerry Jerry Jerry!

Jerry: Okay okay, calm down. We will now bring out our next guest, Goten!  
Goten strides from the back stage area wearing tight leather pants  
along with a half-buttoned shirt, allowing his chest hairs to be exposed.

Jerry: So Goten, I believe that you and Trunks have something to tell  
the audience and your families.

Goten gives Jerry a nod. Goku, Chi Chi, and Gohan all come from the  
back, taking their seats.

Vegeta: KAKOROOOOOOT!

Vegeta spazzes out for a moment, going Super Saiyan and kicking  
Goku straight through the wall.

Bulma: VEGETA! Calm down!

Jerry: So Goten, Trunks, why don't you tell your families your big  
secret.

_**Chapter 4**_

Goku climbs back through the hole in the wall and brushes himself  
off. He has a big smile on his face.

Goku: Hey Vegeta, what did you do that for huh?

Vegeta: Because I hate you.

Goku: Wow. Hate is kind of a strong word, don't you think?

Vegeta: Not strong enough. And neither ARE YOU!

Vegeta gets up and goes at Goku again. The crowd gets louder.

Crowd: Fight fight fight!

Bulma rushes over and gets between Goku and Vegeta.

Bulma: Both of you are acting like children. NOW SIT DOWN!

Goku's face turns red. Vegeta gives Bulma a look with eyes  
squinted. They both take their seats.

Jerry: Ok, now that we've got that settled. (winks) Lets find out  
why we're here. Trunks, its your turn.

Trunks looks at his family and then stares at his feet. He looks up  
and sees Goten seated next to him. They smile at each other.

Trunks: Well, you see... (looks back at his feet) Goten and I are in love.

_**Chapter 5**_

Vegeta's eyes widened. Quickly, he stands, glaring at Trunks and Goten.

Vegeta: Fags!

Goku looks to Vegeta.

Goku: Well, its not that bad, I mean, I've always had a crush on you,  
Vegeta.

Chi Chi slaps Goku in the back of the head.

Chi Chi: How could you?

Vegeta lets out a loud growl.

Vegeta: IMBECILE!

Vegeta quickly launches forward, tackling Goku, and beating his head  
into the ground.

**_Chapter 6_**

Chi Chi and Bulma grab their husbands and start screaming. The crowd  
is on its feet.

Bulma: If you two don't cut it out now I'll... I'll... Well I'll be  
really annoying and bitchy and you won't like it one bit either of  
you because I can be really bitchy and annoying you know and I'm the  
greatest and you better stop because I can be annoying and bitchy ...

Chi Chi: Shut Up! How dare you all act like this when my Gohan is  
sitting over there listening. What do you think will happen to him.  
He'll pick up all kinds of bad manners from you and then where will  
he be?

Goku: Gosh Chi Chi, I never thought of that. Hey Vegeta, I was only  
kidding you know.

Vegeta just stands with his arms crossed, growling.

Jerry: Lets all sit down now.

Vegeta: I will not remain in the same room as those two. I'd rather be a slave to Freiza again. Now I'm convinced that that child is not  
mine. Who did you sleep with Bulma? Tell me. Was it Yamacha?

Bulma reaches out and slaps Vegeta in the face.

Bulma: How dare you! How could you even think I would cheat on you.  
And besides it was only that one time. Oops. (Holds her hand to her  
mouth)

_**Chapter 7**_

Vegeta let out yet another growl.

Vegeta: Who was it?

Bulma: I won't tell! I promised Chiaotzu that I wouldn't! Uh oh...

Bulma covers her mouth again.

Vegeta: Did you say Chiaotzu? What would you be doing with that  
little mime?

Bulma: He's better than you in bed!

Meanwhile, on the other side of the room...

Goten: Trunks, I love you.

Trunks and Goten begin to make out. Gohan sits back in his chair,  
scratching his head, completely confused. The crowd starts roaring  
yet again.

Crowd: Jerry Jerry Jerry!

Jerry: Now let's bring out our next guest!

A door from the back swings open. Chiaotzu rides out on a tricycle,  
dressed in a leather jacket, a pair of black jeans, and some  
sunglasses.

Vegeta: Bastard!

Vegeta quickly powers up to Super Saiyan, charges forward, and tackles Chiaotzu into the ground. Chiaotzu kicks Vegeta, sending him  
through the wall, knocking him out cold.

Goku: How in the hell did you get so powerful? Last time I knew, you were a wuss.

_**Chapter 8**_

Piccolo struts on stage, wearing polka dot clown pants and a tiger fur  
vest, while smiling like a fool.

Piccolo: Hey Y'all!

Jerry: You weren't invited on, Go away!

Piccolo: (sniff sniff) But neither was she! (Points to Martha Stewart, who's got fat and is stuffing her face with chocolate  
pudding.)

Martha Stewart: (About to cry) But its such a good thing! ... Such a good good thing. (drools and shoves more pudding into her mouth)

Jerry: Oh my…(o.O)…um so anyways…Why exactly are you here Piccolo?

Piccolo: I've a bed wetting problem, stalk Nick Carter, eat dried cat food, I'm Elton John and Big Bird's love child, AND I'm the original  
voice actor for the road runner. (makes appalling beep-beep noise)  
If that's not screwed up enough for you, I don't know what is!

Jerry: Oh, you're exactly what I've been looking for! Why don't you  
come over to my tailor after the show? (Raises eyebrow and winks  
queerly)

Piccolo: Enjoyable!

Chiaotzu: (thinking) That green bumpkin is stealing my show! Time to  
become Mr. Controversy and bring the light back to my plastic face!  
(Attaches himself to Goku's leg and humps him furiously)

An anonymous African American crowd member stands up, showing off his gleaming head, bald but for a mohawk running through the middle of it. Light also emanates from the heavy gold chains looping around his neck, blinding the people in his vicinity. He thrusts out a meaty finger, pointing it at the stage. "I pity da foo' dat don't use 1-800-COLLECT!" he yells explosively, then sits back down, a peaceful look on his face.

**_Chapter 9_**

Jerry: Ok, Ok. Everybody please, please be seated. (Looks at the  
audience) I think this is going to be a long night. (Back to the  
guests) Thank you. Now, Trunks, you were telling us that you are in  
love with Goten.

Trunks: Yes, Jerry. I remember the first time we fused. It was  
kind of painful but at the same time...

Vegeta: WHAT ARE YOU BOY? INSANE? HOW COULD YOU DO THE F-THING WITH  
ANOTHER BOY? AND KAKAROT'S SON? (Looks at Bulma) YOU BITCH! I AM THE PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS! WHY HAVE I SPARED THIS PLANET? WHAT WAS  
I THINKING? (Goes SSJ4) I WILL SEND ALL OF YOU TO THE NEXT  
DIMENSION!

Jerry: Umm, excuse me. Vegeta?

Vegeta: WHAT DO YOU WANT YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A TALK SHOW HOST?

Jerry: Hey, there's no need to try to insult me. I know I make my  
money by exploiting people but I got kids to feed. Anyway, before  
you blow everyone. I mean, before you shoot your load... umm, send  
everyone to the next dimension as you so Funimationly put it... I  
have another guest to introduce.

Vegeta: ARE YOUR BRAIN CELLS ALREADY DEAD? DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND WHO  
I AM AND WHAT I CAN DO? I AM THE PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS!

Chiaotzu: If you're the prince then who's king?

Vegeta: THE CLOWN PUPPET DIES FIRST!

Jerry: Wait! If you're going to kill us all at least let me  
introduce the next guest.

Vegeta: BRING THEM ALL ON! I AM THE PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS! I AM  
THE MOST POWERFUL BEING IN ALL THE WORLD... I MEAN THE  
GALAXY...UNIVERSE!

Jerry: Audience lets have a big round of applause for Frieza!

Vegeta: IMPOSSIBLE!

Goku: What?

Piccolo: Oh man, this is gonna be good.

Chiaotzu: Is that the guy on Batman that freezes everybody?

Trunks: My sword? Where's my sword? Goten, have you seen it? Its  
long and hard remember?

Goten: (Smiles)

Gohan: Daddy! Daddy!

**_Chapter 10_**

Frieza rolls on stage in a black thong that shows a little too much of  
his white ass. He pauses to touch up his lipstick, pulls out his  
whip, and continues rolling toward Vegeta.

Frieza: Vegeta. Where are your balls? I want to caress them.

Audience: Balls! Balls! Balls!

Bulma: You mean his Dragonballs?

Frieza: Is that what he calls them? (winks) Oh my.

Chi Chi: (Leans over to Goku and whispers) So that's Frieza? That's  
the thing that almost killed you? I could take him blindfolded with  
my hands tied behind my back.

Goku: Later dear. Not in front of Gohan and Goten.

Vegeta: I thought you were dead Frieza.

Frieza: Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated. But I see  
you've got on with your life. If you're quite finished its time to  
resume your place as my slave. (snaps his whip at Vegeta)

Audience: (Chuckles)

Vegeta: NEVER!

Frieza: Oh come now. Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it. All those  
nights we spent together. Remember the fun we used to have in the rejuvenation chamber?

Bulma: AND YOU CALLED ME A WHORE? So Trunks is your son after all.  
I want a divorce!

Audience: Whoot, whoot, whoot!

Vegeta: ENOUGH! (Turns to Jerry) IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT?

Jerry: Umm, no, there's a lot more. I hate to interrupt but we need  
to go to a commercial. We'll be back with more after these  
messages...

_**Chapter 11**_

Movie Preview…

"From the retarded hillbillies cousins of the makers of The Fast and  
The Furious'"

Shows clips of old people driving ridiculously slow, playing chess,  
wetting their depends and using oxygen masks

"Comes a whole knew breed of Action!"

More clips of old people running people over, eating mushy food,  
looking for their teeth and beating people with their canes.

"THE SLOW AND THE IRRITATING!"

Clip of an elderly person walking into the sunset with their  
walker.

August 15, 2002

Elderly senior who was walking into the sunset has sudden heart  
attack, quells over, and dies.

_**Chapter 12**_

Jerry: And we're back! As you have seen, several events have taken  
place. Let's take a look at our main points.

Trunks and Goten are gay.

Vegeta is insane.

Piccolo is odd.

Bulma and Chiaotzu have had sexual relations.

Chiaotzu can beat Vegeta up.

Frieza and Vegeta have had sexual relations.

Gohan is a wuss.

Gohan: Hey! I haven't even said anything yet.

Jerry: I know, but you're a wuss, we all know.

Chiaotzu: Yeah, you cry baby.

Gohan: I'm not a baby! You agree with me, right dad?

Goku: Well...no, actually you are a wuss.

Gohan begins to cry.

Frieza: Ahahaha, wussssy.

Everyone starts pointing and laughing at Gohan, calling him names and  
making fun of him.

Another anonymous audience member waves her arm violently, trying to get Jerry's attention. Then finally gives up on alerting the host as to her intentions, and makes her way to the stage, screaming obscenities at Piccolo. "Where's my baby, you green motherfucker! I know you ate him, I know you did!" The woman claims to be Krillin's mother. Sporting dred-locked hair, star-shaped sunglasses, and weighing in at 350+ lbs, she continues to waddle toward the stage, shockwaves from her strides knocking other audience members to the ground. "Where's my baby!"

_**Chapter 13**_

Gohan: I KILLED CELL! I went super saiyan. I am the Great Saiyaman!

Vegeta: You needed your dead father's help to kill him. Face it  
boy, you're a wuss.

Goten: Yeah, and that Saiyaman outfit was kinda gay.

Gohan: Look who's talking! And it wasn't gay. It was really neat.

Chi-chi: Gohan! Watch your language.

Gohan: What did I say?

Chi-chi: You know what you said. Now behave yourself young man.

Gohan: (whispers) Bitch.

Chiaotzu: (Catching a glimpse of Frieza from behind) Good gracious. Ass bodacious!

Martha Stewart: It's a good thing. (Winks at Chiaotzu)

Jerry: (Noticing a rather large woman from the audience coming  
on stage) Excuse me ma'am. Please take your seat.

Lady from the audience: (Head butts Jerry and continues toward Piccolo) Goddamnit you green shit-faced mother fucker! C'mere!

Piccolo: You want a piece of me? Take this! (Rips off his arm and throws it at the lady who thinks she's Krillin's mother. Twisting  
his face like he's constipated, Piccolo squirts another arm out of  
his shoulder.)

Lady from the audience: (Catches the arm and looks at it in  
amazement.) Anybody got any ketchup? (She returns to her seat and  
eats Piccolo's arm.)

Piccolo: (Screams at the Lady as she walks away) Yeah you piece of  
trailer trash! That's right, eat me! (Does the hamster dance while  
singing Nelly's "It's Hot In Herre")

_**Chapter 14**_

As chaos reigns, a rather ridiculous looking man lowers from the  
ceiling from a spider web.

Spiderman: Hey guys.

Vegeta: What in the hell are you doing here? You're not from Dragonball  
Z!

Spiderman shoots Vegeta in the face with a web.

Spiderman: Quiet you.

Goku: You look stupid and you have a lame name. Spiderman? That's not very creative...

Everyone begins ranting on, making fun of Spiderman.

Chiaotzu: I've never humped a spider man before... Sweet Jesus, here's  
my chance!

Chiaotzu leaps from his seat, landing on Spiderman's back. He begins  
to hump him viciously, making several strange animal noises in the process.

Gohan: Phew, they're making fun of Spiderman now instead of me.

Frieza: We haven't forgotten about you yet.

Frieza rolls over to Gohan and begins hitting his face off Gohan's  
leg.

Frieza: Die wuss!

Gohan starts crying again...

**_Chapter 15_**

Spiderman: Well aren't I in a dilly of a pickle…

Piccolo: It's so inexcusably horrendous, yet I can't look away.

Jerry: (dreamy look in his eyes) Now if only that mime were French,  
the all my dreams could come true….Steve, get them down from there,  
we need to get all the nitty gritty action on tape.

Steve: (poking them with a broom) …Ewww

Vegeta: (clawing at his mouth and grunting urgently) Mmm, Ah ermmm,  
mmgr…..humph…

Martha Stewart: What's that you say dear?

Vegeta: (points to mouth) mmmahh!

Martha Stewart: Yes I do agree, grinding your own glasses lenses is  
so much more efficient than going out a purchasing pre made ones. Why  
don't you come over after the show and we can see what we can do  
about those nasty scuffs on your boots…We might even have time to  
make my cookie of the day! And let me tell you the 101 uses for Q-tips! We can have a party! And I can show you how to sew the cutest  
baby booties!

Vegeta:…! (looks petrified and makes alarmed grunting noises)

Gohan: (overlistening) Oh Martha, that sounds like marvelous fun!

Bulma: You are such a pansy.

Gohan: No I'm not, I'm cool.

Videl: No, you suck, The only reason I married you is for your body.

Gohan: What…You don't mean that!…and hey…how'd you get here?

Videl: I slept with the security guy.

Gohan: (Turns to Steve and goes SSJ)

Steve: (poking at Spiderman and Chiaotzu) huh?

Gohan beats the shit out of Steve

Jerry: (just noticing this now) Hey, no need to do that. He's not security, Steve's just my man-bitch.

Gohan:…Ohhh, Sorry. (Helps Steve up and dusts off his shoulders)

Chichi: Gohan, you're such a loser.

Gohan: What? (about to cry) MOM!

Chichi: Well I got my grandchild from you, which is all I needed out  
of you, now I can care less If I hurt your feelings and you go commit  
suicide.

Gohan: Dad?

Goku: What?

Gohan: Do you agree with mom?

Goku: Yes son, you'd be fox with breast implants!

Everyone: …WTF?

_**Chapter 16**_

The stage begins to shake. Lights fall from the ceiling. The floor  
cracks. A wind whips through the audience knocking many of them  
backwards.

Gohan: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Goes SSJ3) Well if that's what you all  
think then go to hell! You have fucked up my life for the last  
time! I might as well tell you that Dende and I have been having an affair for years now and Icarus has real Dragon Balls if you know  
what I mean. So screw this shit. When I'm mad I'm stronger than all  
of you put together and I am PISSED!

Chi Chi: Gohan!

Gohan: SHUT UP YOU BITCH!

Goku: (Smiles) Gee Gohan maybe you're not a wuss after all.

Chi Chi: We'll see. (Grabs Gohan by the hair and starts bitch  
slapping him.)

Gohan: Mom! Cut it out. I was only kidding. Jeeze. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

Audience: (roars with laughter)

Suddenly the studio doors open and a SWAT Team files into the room.

SWAT Team: hut hut hut..

Jerry: What's the meaning of this?

SWAT team leader: We have a warrant for the arrest of Martha  
Stewart. She is wanted by the Securities and Exchange commission for  
insider trading and investigation into the bankruptcy of K-Mart.

Martha: (sneezes and is suddenly transformed into Lunch) Die  
motherfuckers! Starts shooting rounds into the SWAT team.

Chiatzou: Mommy?

**_Chapter 17_**

Jerry: Alright. I see that everyone has serious issues that need to be dealt with. Perhaps we can arrange for a counseling session after  
the show. (Thinks: "One session isn't going to do shit for this  
group.") If I could just ask you all to take your seats I'd like to  
bring out our next guest. (Screams to someone off-stage) Hey! Can  
we get maintenance out here to clean up this blood and drag these  
bodies out? (Looks back to the camera) Our next guest has become a  
multi-millionaire by selling his 'How to attract women' system on  
late night infomercials. Lady's and gentlemen please welcome Mr.  
Krillin.

Krillin walks onstage with Android 18 on one arm and Marron on the other. Dressed in his best suit and hat, he bears a shit-eating grin on his face. (A/N: Yes, this is his daughter, Marron. Not the blue-haired one as previously assumed)

Krillin: Hi guys! Long time! (Gets an annoyed look on his face.  
Turns back and tugs on the very long leash in his hand) Get out here!

A decrepit old man with sunglasses, wearing only plain black pants,  
no shirt or shoes, crawls on stage. Krillin's leash is attached to a  
spiked collar around the man's neck.

Krillin: Come on hermit!

All the guests turn to look at the man.

Goku: Master Roshi?

Krillin: Yeah, that's right. He's got Alzheimer's. I've been  
taking care of him for years now and what a pain in the ass that's  
been. Whenever he sees a movie he thinks he's one of the  
characters. Right now he's Scooby-Doo.

Bulma: Poor Roshi.

Krillin: Heh, this isn't too bad. You should have seen him after he  
watched Austin Powers. He went from Mini-Me to Fat Bastard to a fembot. It was ugly. Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know how  
happy I am. I've got beautiful women, sweet cars, and tons of  
money! So what have you all been up to?

All the guests: Oh nothing. (They look away, look down, and twiddle  
their thumbs)

Frieza: You look familiar. Didn't I kill you?

Krillin: Yep.

Frieza: Oh. Please accept my apologies. Perhaps I can make it up  
to you? (Bats his eyes)

Krillin: Don't worry yourself about it. Lots of people have killed  
me. Oh, Goku, I almost forgot. I want to repay you for being such  
a good friend to me over the years.

Goku's eyes light up. He dreams of the millions of dollars Krillin  
has.

Goku: Wow! Thanks Krillin. You've been a pretty good friend to me too.

Krillin: Well remember when we first met and Master Roshi threw that  
rock and we had to go find it?

Goku: Yeah? (A puzzled look comes over him)

Krillin: Well I found it! And I had it engraved just for you!

Vegeta: (leans over to Piccolo and whispers) Ten to one Goku shoves  
that rock up his ass.

The maintenance guy shuffles out, muttering about how crappy his job is and how he's gonna quit and become a bodyguard for Fred Luo. His copy of 'How To Attract Women' falls out of his front pocket as he pulls out a dinocap. He sheepishly picks the booklet up, glancing at Krillin and smiling briefly as he puts it back in it's place. Clicking the little button on the capsule, he throws it. A flash appears, followed by an explosion with "BOM!" etched across the smoke. As the smoke clears, it reveals a cleaning cart and supplies. He then flexes like Space Ghost, mops up the blood, hauls the bodies onto the cart, then stores it back in the dinocap. He lets out a girly scream as he hears Roshi go "Scooby Dooby Doo!" and then runs off the stage, frothing at the mouth in sheer panic.

**_Chapter 18_**

Goku's face glows red.

Goku: We've been friends for nearly all of our lives, and your only  
gift is this stupid rock?

Krillin: Uhh...yeah, I figured you'd like it. It was very generous of  
me to go and find that.

Goku: YOU'RE AN IDIOT!

Goku jumps forward.

Goku: Here's what I think of your damn rock!

Goku grabs Krillin's pants, hauls them down, and shoves the rock  
up his ass. Krillin lets out a quick screech of pain. Vegeta leans  
over towards Piccolo.

Vegeta: I win, hand it over.

Piccolo started to mumble a bit. He pulls a five dollar bill out of  
his pocket and puts it in Vegeta's hand.

Piccolo: Lousy no good...

Vegeta starts to chuckle.

Vegeta: I can only imagine what I can do with five dollars!

Meanwhile, Marron manages to make her way over to Krillin. She shoves  
her hand up his ass, yanking the rock out. Goku looks on. Marron  
helps Krillin over to his seat, and sits on his knee, her boobs  
hanging in his face. A small bulge appears around his groin area.

Jerry: Oh boy...

_**Chapter 19**_

Marron: Daddy? Is that a gun in your pocket?

Krillin: I'll show you later. winks

Android 18 grabs Goku between his legs and puts on the power squeeze.

A18: You go apologize to Krillin right now or I'll make you Frieza's  
bitch.

Goku: (In a very high pitched voice) Eeek. Ok ok. I'm sorry.  
That's the best present anyone ever gave me.

Chi Chi: (knocks over her chair) Let go of him you cyborg. (Grabs  
18's hair and pummels her with punches to the stomach and face.)

The audience goes wild.

Krillin grabs 18 while Goku tries to pull Chi Chi away.

18: This is far from over.

Chi Chi: Anytime you want your ass kicked just call me, girlfriend.

18: I never noticed how beautiful you are when you're riled up.

Chi Chi: (blushes)

18: Maybe you can come over sometime and we'll... spar. (winks) I  
bet you've got, I mean make, a nice pie.

Chi Chi: Uh, um, uh... maybe.

Goku: That would be great! Chi Chi could use some friends. She's  
always home nagging me and the kids. Ooooof. (Chi Chi's elbow  
connects with Goku's stomach)

Chi Chi: I think she wants to be more than friends. Goku, sometimes  
I swear you're an idiot.

Goku: You mean all the time. Like just yesterday you... Ooooof.

**_Chapter 20_**

Jerry looks forward towards all of the guests. Then, he glances back  
to a staff member who happens to be sitting there. Jerry leans back,  
whispering into his ear.

Jerry: These people are all freaks, but we'll get out money's worth  
from this episode!

Jerry then turns back towards the audience, waiting for everything to  
quiet to down. After everything was calm again, he looks towards  
the back.

Jerry: Well folks, we already have 16 freaks on the stage, Let's bring  
out another! Dende, please come out.

A curtain from the back opens. Dende slowly walks out, a blank stare  
across his face. He takes the first seat he comes to, nearest to  
Jerry.

Jerry: Dende, I hear you have an interesting problem. Please explain.

Dende: (whispering) I see dead people...

Everything goes silent. Everybody in the room raises a brow, staring  
at Dende, except for the few mentally retarded kids at the back.

Random Mentally Retarded Kid: I WENT POOPIE!

Jerry: Uh...okay...

The kid's mother grabs him, carrying out of the room.

Mother: Now Buttfungus, what did I tell you about saying that?

Dende begins to point at random places in the air.

Jerry: What dead people do you see...?

Dende: I'll neeeverrr teeeeeelllll...

**_Chapter 21_**

Jerry: (farts) Steve, I told you... no more beans for lunch

As the fart escapes Jerry's ass, it seems to trigger something. Five different audience members all stand up and put a fist into the air.

AM #1: Earth!

AM #2: Fire!

AM #3: Wind!

AM #4: Water!

AM #5: Heart!

Stupid Voice: With your powers combined, I am Captain Planet!

Background Singers: Captain Planet, he's a hero, gonna take pollution  
down to zero!

Vegeta: Idiots!

Vegeta throws his hand forward, blowing all of the singers into  
pieces. Captain Planet flies down towards Vegeta and kicks him  
through the wall.

Captain Planet: That's for polluting!

**_Chapter 22_**

Captain Planet: Ahahahahaha!

Bulma: Hey, I've slept with you before!

Captain Planet: Probably. Hell, I've slept with Vegeta too!

Everyone looks at Vegeta

Bulma: Cheating bastard!

Vegeta: Hell, cant deny that. Captain Planet is a fox in the sac!

Captain Planet: Yes, as I only used you for your body! Now, to the  
compost bin you will go! Cloud of smoke appears and disappears

Vegeta: (still sitting there)

Chiaotzu: ZOINKS!

Captain Planet: Damnit!

Piccolo: (referring to Dende) Finally something interesting to discuss. You couldn't think any less would come from a Namek!

Krillin: Why don't you just shove it Mr. Green Bean.

Piccolo: Shove it? Shove what? Shove this chair up your ass? That is  
certainly most doable.

Krillin: (sweat drops)

Spiderman: Oh! oh Oh…Oh myyy…My spider senses are tingling!

Frieza: (whipping Spiderman) That's what Vegeta said the first time we underwent this activity. (cracks whip at Vegeta's feet)

Vegeta: Eep!

Trunks and Goten continue to have efficient German sex

Goku: Has anyone ever noticed, that in Russia, their woman look like  
men?

Chichi: You faggot!

Goku: eh?

Gohan: Dad! Mom's from Russia! And is most certainly female!

Goku: Ahaha, trust me on this one son, She's not your mother, and  
she's most certainly not a female!

Everyone: (Cheesy fake gasp)

Vegeta: AHAHAHA!

Everyone looks at Vegeta

Vegeta: What?

Unknown voice: Rubber Ducky, you're the one! You make bath time so  
much fun!

Everyone turns around to see Nappa sitting in a bathtub behind the  
guest's chairs

Vegeta: I did not just see what I think I saw!

Chiaotzu: There's a stud muffin if I ever saw one! I'm going to get  
me a piece of that ass!

Chiaotzu runs past Nappa and humps a mortified donkey off stage

Jerry: Ok everyone, Shut Up! We're doing Dende here.

Everyone: (O.o) …

Jerry: (Sighs) …Interviewing Dende...

Sighs of both relief and disappointment are heard

**_Chapter 23_**

Goku: Why interview Dende? He's just a stupid wussy Namek...

Piccolo: Are you saying that Namek's are...wussy?

Goku: Obviously...

Dende stands from his chair, making his way over to Goku. Goku arches  
a brow, wondering what the small Namek is up to.

Dende: Dead...people...

Dende points his finger towards Goku's arm. A small red beam forms  
at the tip of his finger. Suddenly, the beam flies out, hitting Goku's  
shoulder, blowing his arm off.

Goku: AHHH! Look at what you've done!

Goku picks his arm up and sits there bug eyed. Krillin's mouth opens  
and he begins to twitch wildly and make several strange  
grunting/moaning noises.

Suddenly, an old Namek, covered in shit, barges from the back, shouting towards the stage.

Kami: I want my job back!

Piccolo: How in the hell did you come back? I thought you were inside  
of me.

Kami: If you wouldn't of taken that power dump before the show  
started, I still would be!

Kami charges over towards Dende.

Kami: Give me my job back you ungrateful little bastard!

Dende tilts his head and began pointing to random places in the air  
again.

**_Chapter 24_**

Mr. Popo rushes on stage.

Mr. Popo: Kami! You're baaaack! (Runs over and hugs Kami) Oh how I  
have missed you. Dende did horrible things to me Kami. He would  
short sheet my bed and put shaving cream on my hands while I was  
sleeping. And he uses foul language and plays music by Eminem and  
Slipknot. My morning coffee always tastes funny too. I think he has  
urinated in it on more than one occasion. He is a miserable brat.  
But please don't hate me for what I have done Kami. I did a bad  
thing.

Kami: Get off me Popo! What are you talking about?

Mr. Popo: I put a spell on Dende. He sees only the dead now.

Kami: I see. So that means since Dende cannot perform his duties I  
may return to my rightful place. (An evil grin grows on Kami's face)

Mr. Popo: Oh Kami! You mean it? You make Mr. Popo sooo happy!

Kami: Popo...Shut up! You have diarrhea of the mouth. Now clean this shit off me and get me a clean robe.

Mr. Popo: Yes Kami. Right away Kami.

**_Chapter 25_**

Piccolo: Hey Kami, even though you were wiggling around inside of my stomach and digestive system for a few years, I still don't like you.

Piccolo pulls a baseball from his pocket and drives it off the back  
of the back of Kami's head.

Kami falls head first into the floor and  
lets out a scream of pain.

Popo: Kami!

Kami: Popo, if you don't help me up now, you'll be the one to receive  
the beating!

Popo: No Kami! Not the belt! I'm so sorry!

Popo rushes over and lifts Kami to his feet. Just as Kami stands, he  
feels a jolt of pain in the back of his leg. As he falls to the  
ground again, he sees that Dende is standing behind him, holding the  
staff of the guardian.

Dende: Alright old man, I've had enough of your shit. I'm the  
guardian, and there's nothing you can to about it. I made it so you  
get two wishes with the Dragonballs, your sucky testicles...I mean  
Dragonballs can only grant one! That makes me better!

Popo: I thought you were under a spell!

Dende: I was faking it shithead. You think one of your stupid spells  
would actually work?

Chiaotzu: The stupid Nameks and the big black fat piece of shit are  
getting all of the attention now.

Captain Planet rises to his feet, pointing into the crowd. A bold  
look expresses itself on his face as he looks on.

Captain Planet: Polluting is wrong! Recycling is the way to go!

He then sits back down into his chair, crossing his legs, a calm look  
on his face.

**_Chapter 26_**

Mr. Popo: That's it! I've had enough of your crap to last a  
lifetime. You may have been faking seeing dead people but now I'll  
send you to see some real ones!

Mr. Popo grabs Dende by his antennas, swings him up in the air and  
slams him face first into the ground. The audience roars.

He steps on Dende's back, grabs Kami's staff and with a great heave-ho, shoves it right up Dende's ass. Dende lets out a shriek of  
pain as Popo lifts up the staff and holds Dende like a Popsicle  
stick. Popo shouts "Rocket Blast!" and Dende shoots up into the  
air, through the studio ceiling and out into space.

Audience: Po Po... Po Po... Po Po... Po Po

Mr. Popo: Here you go Kami. (hands Kami's staff back) Just remember  
that I can do the same to you if you get out of line.

Kami: At least you could've wiped it off first.

Gohan: But Mr. Popo! What did you do that for?

Mr. Popo: Shut up wuss!

Meanwhile... Trunks is busy pulling Goten's shirt off.

Master Roshi: A great disturbance in the force, there is.

Goku: Dende's not dead. I can still sense him.

Master Roshi: Not what I'm talking about, is that. Coming is he.

Vegeta: Who the hell are you now? Grover?

Master Roshi: Funny you are. Sorry you'll be.

Bra rushes onstage.

Bra: Mom! Dad! I saw you on TV so I rushed right over. I've got  
something to tell you too.

Bulma: You sure do young lady! (noticing Bra's very pregnant  
stomach)

Bra: I'm pregnant!

Vegeta: (goes SSJ4) WHERE IS HE? I'LL KILL HIM.

Bra: Calm down Daddy. He's right behind me. Yamcha, hurry up!

Bulma: YAMCHA! My ex-boyfriend knocked you up? He's more than twice your age!

Bra: Oh Mom. Don't be such a hypocrite. Yamcha told me what a  
freak you were when you were with him.

Krillin: Do you smell something burning?

Goku: Oh Krillin, cut it out. That's an old joke.

Meanwhile... Goten is busy pulling Trunk's shirt off.

**_Chapter 27_**

Krillin: No, really, don't you smell something burning?

Vegeta: That would be the burning flesh of Yamcha the bitch in  
about 3 seconds.

Goku: Krillin, you're such an idiot. Everyone knows you have no  
nose.

Yamcha walks onstage wearing tight bell-bottom jeans, a tie-dye shirt  
and sandals. The peace sign hanging on the chain around his neck is  
clearly visible.

Yamcha: Hey guys! (His smile reveals the still missing front tooth)

Vegeta: WELCOME TO THE END OF YOUR LIFE AND I PROMISE IT IS GOING TO HURT!

Bulma: (Stepping in front of Vegeta) Not so fast. The hippie is  
mine! (Grabs Yamcha by the hair and starts beating the everlasting  
shit out of him)

Audience: Bulma! Bulma! Bulma!

Bra: MOTHER! Leave him alone! I don't see you beating the crap  
out of Goten and he's over there sexing up your son right now.

Bulma: That's because I never slept with Goten!

Goten: (Pulls his tongue out of Trunks's mouth long enough to  
respond) Um.. actually we did sleep together once. But after that, I  
knew for sure I was gay. (Resumes probing Trunks's throat with his tongue)

Bra: Mom! Dad! Can't we all just get along? He's the  
father of my baby. If you won't accept that then fine but don't kill him.

Vegeta: Yes. I see your point. Bulma sit down. Let's discuss  
this rationally.

Bra: Oh thank you Daddy! I knew I could count on you.

Bulma and Bra take their seats.

Vegeta : PSYCHE!

Vegeta fires several ki blasts directly at Yamcha killing him instantly.

Vegeta: DID YOU FOOLS REALLY THINK I WOULD LET THAT GO?

Jerry: Maintenance!

Mr. Popo: OUCH! GOD DAMN! OW! FUCK! SHIT

!  
Kami: What's wrong with you Popo?

Mr. Popo: Someone stuck a match in my shoe and lit it.

Krillin: I did smell something burning!

Dende: I'm back!

Jerry: Please hold that thought. We need to take a commercial  
break. Back after this!

Fade to black

_**Chapter 28**_

If you like Jerry Springer...

Fans: Jerry Jerry Jerry!

...You haven't seen anything yet!

Trunks's DBZ GT Domain presents to you...

Jerry Springer DBZ Style!

Random Fan: "Dude, this is COMEDY! It's funny. I can't wait to see  
what's going to happen! Keep it coming!"

Another Random Fan: "LMFAO! And Frieza...in a thong...dude"

Yet Another: "Its is wrong on so many levels but its so funny I like  
it! ROTFLMFAO!"

Wrong but funny indeed.

Summer 2002

_**Chapter 29**_

Have you or someone you know been injured or killed by a Kamehameha attack gone wrong? Have android invasions left you unable to sleep at night? Has a loved one been stabbed by the phallic tail of Cell  
and sucked dry?

If so call 1-800-LAWYER. That's 1-800-LAWYER.  
We have operators standing by 24 hours to rip you off... I mean answer your calls. It's a toll free number so what have you got to  
lose? Call 1-800-LAWYER. That's 1-800-LAWYER.

We specialize in motor vehicle accidents caused by Saiyans or  
Namekians. Call 1-800-LAWYER. That's 1-800-LAWYER.

So call today!

Very extremely small writing at the bottom of your TV screen: 1-800-  
LAWYER does not claim to get any money for the actual victim but will  
do everything possible to collect any and all lawyer fees.

_**Chapter 30**_

Jerry: Guess whose back? Back again. Jerry's back. Tell a friend.  
Guess whose back, guess whose back, gues--

Dende: Shut the hell up...

Jerry: Sorry...

Popo: Hey Dende, I'm gonna beat the hell out of you. So many years  
I've wasted serving YOU!

Chiaotzu: Okay, I've had enough of this Namekian/Freak shit. They are  
getting all of the attention!

Goku(holding onto his ripped off arm, trying to tape it back on): Well,  
you're a freak.

Chiaotzu: I'm human!

Chiaotzu walks over to Dende, hops onto his back, and begins to  
hump furiously.

Meanwhile, Trunks and Goten are rolling around on the floor in  
thongs, making out and such. Nappa stands from his bubble bath,  
exposing his naked body.

Videl: Mmmm...a new body...

Videl runs over to Nappa, latches onto his leg and hangs off from  
it.

Gohan: Videl! What about me?

Piccolo: Hey, I'd go for him too if I were female... Did I just say that out loud?

_**Chapter 31**_

Bra: DADDY! HOW COULD YOU? YOU KILLED YAMCHA!

Vegeta: Sit down and shut up. I don't know who's worse, you or that  
pathetic excuse for a brother of your's. NAPPA! PUT SOME CLOTHES  
ON! NO ONE WANTS TO SEE THAT!

Frieza: Speak for yourself. (Cracks whip at Vegeta)

Vegeta: Bra, I don't know what happened to you. You used to be such  
a good little girl. Now look at you...

Bra: Papa don't preach! I'm in trouble deep. Papa don't preach.  
I've been losing sleep. But I made up my mind, I'm keeping my baby, oh  
I'm gonna keep my baby, mmm...

Vegeta: You know I always hated that song.

Suddenly a bright flash of blinding light shot through the studio.  
A new guest appeared as if from nowhere.

Jerry: Hey. Who are you? And where did Trunks and Goten go? They  
were cranking out the ratings for me.

Gotenks: (Smiling) I'm Gotenks! Now all you pathetic losers will  
pay!

**_Chapter 32_**

Jerry: Ok, yea, Whatever, Just put on some pants!

Gotenks: looks down Oh…Oops, My bad runs off stage

Dende: running around in circles EW EW EW get it off! Get It OFF!

Frieza: Good god Nappa, have you been working out?

Nappa:…(blinks) um…no

Goku: It wouldn't matter if he was, He's weak and no level of training could change that

Frieza: Mmmm, Weak and Defenseless, just the way I like em.

Gohan: Videl, I know you don't mean to do this, so why don't you come back over here.

Vegeta: Just face it kid, You suck. It's out of the bag, everyone  
knows it. You're a wussy.

Gohan: (looks confused and blinks) Was that suppose to have some sort  
of perverted hitch to it?

Vegeta: …Um, No? Why

Gohan: …Just seems what everyone is saying lately does, just wondering.

Chichi: You're such a geek.

"HEY! I think You've all forgotten about the real super heroes here!"

Everyone turns to see a very angry yet slightly aroused looking  
Captain Planet and Spiderman

Mr. Popo: You're not in DBZ, so go away!

Captain Planet and Spiderman: But you guys said we were sexy!

Random Audience member: (stands up) YEAH, SEXY LIKE MY UNCLE! (sits  
back down)

Everyone blinks…minutes go by…

Everyone: ..YEAH! (starts to cheer)

Bra: Everyone shut Up!

Piccolo: What?

Bra: I'm having my baby!

Vegeta: Good Kami!

Kami: What?

Dende: Hold up! I'm 'god' You should be using my name in vain, NOT his!

Frieza: Yeah! (cracks whip at Vegeta's feet)

Gotenks: I'm Back! What did I miss?

_**Chapter 33**_

Scene fade to North Kai's planet

Yamcha and King Kai are watching the show on King Kai's big screen TV.

Yamcha: Hey, My baby's gonna be born, and I'm not alive to see it!

King Kai: Hush you tie-dyed freak! We'll get you there.

Minutes later, Yamcha crashes through the ceiling and onto the set.  
King Kai just walks in and sits in the audience, unnoticed.

Yamcha: (rushes over to Bra's side) I'm here.

Vegeta: What the hell are you doing here? I killed you!

Yamcha: (flips Vegeta off and then points to the halo above his head)

Jerry: Great, I hope you have enough money to buy me another roof for my studio...(says to himself) I hope she plans on having that baby on here, it'll do wonders for my ratings!

Bra: (snaps her fingers) Mother. (points to Jerry)

Bulma: Ugh...ah...ok dear (hollers to Jerry) I'll pay you after the  
show!

Jerry: Don't bother, just make sure she has that baby on this show!  
Whoops... I just said that out loud...

Vegeta: WHAT DID YOU SAY!

Jerry: (wets himself from fright) Uh, I said my baby was born in the  
snow.

**_Chapter 34_**

All of a sudden from offstage there sounds some dark, morbid angsty  
music.

Jerry: (covering up the wet stain in the front of his pants) Oh great, here comes another freak.

Pan walks on stage dressed from head to toe in the darkest black  
(black singlet and black pants), a necklace with inch long spikes  
around her neck and matching bracelets around her wrists. Her face  
is pale with copious amounts of black eyeliner highlighting her eyes  
and her lips are coated in dark black lipstick.  
Her fingers are lacquered in black nail polish and in one hand she  
holds a small dagger with an ornamental gold hilt encrusted with  
onyxes (black gems). The tip on the blade is coated in dried blood  
and there are multiple scars running up and down her arms.

Jerry: Ah Pan, what's your problem?

Pan: (in a dead sounding voice) Where do I start? You mean apart from the fact that my mother is a nymphomaniac, my father is a wuss, my  
uncle is fucking a purple haired freak, my grandmother is a  
she-male, my grandfather lusts after Vegeta night after night and  
plays with himself while imagining him and Vegeta acting out his  
little 'fantasies'. I have no self-esteem and don't want to live in  
this cold cruel world anymore...other than that, who's got a problem?

She storms off to find the darkest patch of shadows she can hide in.

Jerry: o-ok whispers to the camera man hey did you get all that on  
tape? Great! Now go back to the kid giving birth...oh man I'm gonna  
win awards for this show!

_**Chapter 35**_

Vegeta: What do you mean, Kakarot…lusts over me!

Goku: (blushes and giggles girlishly)

Vegeta:…Ew

Jerry: Damn, I thought he was the only completely straight one in here

Vegeta: well I cant blame him, I am the hotness, who couldn't resist  
my good looks?

Bulma: Get over yourself, you're not that great.

Master Roshi: Speak for your self woman! (looks at Vegeta) Raww!

Vegeta: Ew…. I think I've shat my self. (walks off stage)

Bra: I'm having a child here!

Piccolo: Yea Yea, no one cares.

Yamacha: Hey!

Jerry: Actually Yamacha, I don't like you…Go away!

Yamacha: But I need to be here, any normal person wants to see their  
child be born.

Gotenks: Actually…

Jerry: That's right, any normal person, well we don't have room for  
normal people on this show, Steve! Get him out of here!

Steve: (dressed in rags) Ahh, but Captain Planet has made me polish his boots and feed him grapes like a good for nothing slave.

Jerry: What! (Creates KI blast and blows Captain Planet up) Steal my  
man-bitch would you!

Everyone: o.O

Vegeta: (comes back) False alarm, I didn't…(looks at what just occurred) Wait…maybe not.

Jerry snaps his fingers, two large men in thongs come out and take Yamcha away.

Yamcha: …oh …my…

Man 1 and 2 in thongs: Oh we're going to have fun with you! (drag him off stage)

_**Chapter 36**_

As Yamcha is dragged off stage, Captain Planet makes his way behind  
Jerry, putting him in a headlock.

Captain Planet: I'm not dead.

Jerry: WTF, I killed you...

Captain Planet: You can't create ki.

Jerry: Oh yeah...

Meanwhile, Nappa and Videl have moved towards the back, and have  
begun to get it on. Gohan begins to whimper.

Gohan: Videl! Come back!

Piccolo: So, I was wandering around the streets, and that's when I saw this cat. I picked it up, looked at it, and then ate it!

Everyone: ...

Vegeta: You're an idiot.

Bra begins to groan in pain as she has her baby.

Bulma: Oh no, I'm a grandmother now...this makes me look so old.

Bulma falls to the floor, shaking her head and spazzing out.

**_Chapter 37_**

Suddenly Judge Judy walks onstage. "Jerry! What the hell is going  
on here? I'm trying to tape my show in the studio down the hall and all I hear are screams and booms and bangs!"

Jerry: "I'm taping the show that is going to make TV history. I'll  
be a star. I'll win an Emmy. I'll be rich!"

Judge Judy: "You'll be in jail in about thirty seconds if you don't  
pipe down! I'll hold you in contempt of court and put you in a cell  
with Bubba!"

Jerry: "As tempting as that is... I'll have to pass right now. Why  
don't you join us. Please, take a seat."

Judge Judy looks around at Jerry's guests. "Wow. How can I pass  
this one up?" She sits between Piccolo and Gohan.

Piccolo: "Nice robe. Is it weighted?"

Judge Judy: "No, but I've got a Colt 45 hidden under here so don't  
try anything. What's the matter with you anyway? Did you eat the  
food in the cafeteria? You're all green and shit."

Gohan: "Can I sue my parents for a divorce? They have made a fool  
of me on TV."

Judge Judy: "Only wusses sue their parents. Are you a wuss? Wussy,  
wussy, wussy!"

Gohan: "Hey! I've seen your show and you're always concerned about the kids. What about me?"

Judge Judy: "Yeah, that's on my show. In real life I hate kids.  
Especially cry baby wusses who can't even admit that they are losers.  
Sound like someone you know?" (raises her eyebrow)

Chiatzou: "Judge Judy!" (Runs over and climbs under her robe which  
begins to balloon in and out, up and down.)

Judge Judy: "Hey you little mime! A little to the left and down  
about an inch! And when you're through there I've got a bailiff who  
could use a good humping." (Turns to Piccolo and asks as she points  
to Bra) "What's her story?"

Piccolo: "She's a freak. Takes after her mother. Aren't human  
babies the ugliest things? All hairy and with the tail coming out of  
its ass."

Judge Judy: "That's no tail hun. You're looking at the front."

Piccolo: "Really? Damn that thing is huge."

Frieza: "Like father like son."

Gotenks: "Hey, you all forgot about us! Did ya see us fuse? Wasn't  
it cool? We love to fuse."

Goku: "Hey Vegeta! That does sound kinda fun. Wanna give it a  
whirl?"

Vegeta: "I wouldn't fuse with you if the earth were going to be  
destroyed!"

Jerry: "Whoa ho! And who have we got here?"

Fat Buu: "I'm Fat Buu. I need help. I've tried every diet known to  
man and I can't lose weight."

Jerry: "How about if we get a doctor to cut the fat out right here  
on live TV?"

Fat Buu: "It won't work. I've tried that. I've tried ev..every... everything!"  
(Starts crying hysterically.)

Judge Judy: "Have you tried not eating? Really. You're fat.  
Disgusting even. You're fatter than Fat Bastard."

Fat Buu: "Don't be mean. I'll eat you!"

Judge Judy: "Well Chiaotzu seems to have beaten you to that but hey,  
I can go again."

Audience: "Ewwwwwww!"

**_Chapter 38_**

Fat Buu: You making Buu angry!

Fat Buu blows steam from the holes in his head.

Piccolo: What in the hell is wrong with you? I guess those holes in  
your head explain why your so damn stupid.

Fat Buu: Quit making fun of Buu!

Buu begins to strain incredibly hard, steam shooting off everywhere. Krillin brings his attention to Dende.

Krillin: Hey Dende, remember when Gohan and I saved you from Dodoria?

Dende: ...

Flashback

Krillin and Gohan fly off with Dende, finally escaping from Dodoria.

Krillin: Don't worry Dende, we'll take you back to your father and  
brother later.

Dende: Why in the hell would I wanna go see corpses of my dead family?

Gohan: I'm sure they're where we left them.

Dende: You guys are seriously messed up.

End of Flashback

Dende: I still think you guys are messed up.

Vegeta: You're not the only one.

Dende: Hey Krillin, how'd you get your hair back so quickly anyway?

Krillin: Just a small potion I developed.

Piccolo: Tell us, I'd love to have a nice head of hair like you.

Krillin: Well, all you do is mix goat urine, rabbit testicles, bird  
poo, tar, several packs of cigarettes, a small bit of water, some  
lemon juice, a couple dirt clods, and a human head.

Dende: That's disgusting.

Piccolo: It sounds good, I'll be right back.

Piccolo walks off the stage, looking for all of the ingredients.

_**Chapter 39**_

Meanwhile Pan is watching Nappa and Videl, a slightly disgusted look  
on her face.

Tearing her eyes away from them, she gets her dagger and begins slicing the skin between her fingers, watching the blood run over her  
knuckles.

Pan: pretty, pretty blood...

She looks up as Fat Buu begins getting angry.

Pan: Hey fatso, you wanna lose weight? Try this!

She walks over to Buu and deliberately stabs him with her knife. A  
loud POP echoes on the set before Fat Buu's layers and layers of  
blubber collapse in on himself.

Pan: whoa...cool!

Buu's body twitches suddenly before the fat splits in half and a  
small figure climbs out.

Evil Buu: Hahahahahahaha I'm free! Thank you dear girl. However  
shall I repay you for freeing me? ...Well several years of being  
trapped inside that bloated idiot has made me exceptionally  
horny. What do you say to me screwing you, right here right now?

Pan: Ewwwwwwwwwwww! Sorry but I don't go for little pink things...

Evil Buu: Who said it's little?

Pan: (startled look) Sorry, but no. I'd like to avoid sexual relations right now. My psychiatrist said that they're bad for my  
self-esteem.

Evil Buu: Well I'm afraid I can't take no for an answer.  
(grabs Pan and drags her off into a dark corner)

There is a brief sound of a scuffle before Nappa, (still wearing  
nothing) and Videl now clad in only her lingerie are thrown to center  
stage.

Evil Buu: (in a really seductive voice) Now nobody can see us...come  
on, I'll make sure you enjoy it...

Pan: Then how come that weird camera guy is looking in our direction?

Evil Buu: (blasts the camera guy through the throat) There, now  
nobody's watching... (in a slightly louder voice) ARE THEY?

All the camera men suddenly find other parts of the set far more interesting.

Pan: Weeeeeeeell it has been a while since I've gotten laid...

Evil Buu: So you wanna?

Pan: o-ok...as long as you use protection. I don't want to end up  
like big belly over there points at Bra

Evil Buu: It's a deal

From the corner there comes the sound of clothing being taken off.

Pan: (whistles appreciatively) You WERE right, it definitely ISN'T  
little...that's got to be the biggest (censored) I've ever seen.

Evil Buu: (smirks) And I can make it grow just like the thing on top  
of my head.

Pan: Really? Wow...looks like I've found the man of my dreams.

Evil Buu: (still smirking) I've got my protection as promised, are you ready?

Pan: (anticipating) Let's get it on...literally!

Suddenly all the mics listening in on that corner short out although the audience can still clearly hear the sounds of two people screwing.

Pan: (gasping) go harder...go harder...

Jerry: (goes slightly pale) Ummm I don't mind you doing that on the  
show...but we've got kids in the audience so could you try to keep it  
down?

Evil Buu: Why? It'll be educational for them...(evil laugh)

Jerry:...I'm in waaaaaaay over my head...

**_Chapter 40_**

Suddenly a huge energy blast comes out of nowhere and hits Vegeta  
head on. It knocks him across the room and sends his charred body  
crashing through the wall.

Bulma: (Runs over to Vegeta) My pookie! Who would do this to you?

Gotenks: Whore! We will reap our vengeance. All who have opposed us will die.  
(Shoots another blast directly at Bulma) Die whore!

Bulma is hit and sent crashing to the studio floor.

Goku stands up. His arm falls off again. With his other arm he  
fires a Kamehameha at Gotenks. The blast knocks Gotenks unconscious  
and he de-fuses as he falls. The naked bodies of Trunks and Goten come crashing to the ground.

Jerry: Thanks Goku.

Goku: Don't mention it. I am friend to evil, enemy to good!

Chi Chi: Idiot! How many times have we gone over that line? It's  
friend to good, enemy to evil for God's sake! You are such a moron,  
I swear.

Kami: For Kami's sake. It's for Kami's sake. Get it right bitch.

Dende: Umm... no... It's for Dende's sake. You old sack of shit.

Mr. Popo: Dende! Do not speak to Kami in such a manner. Remember  
he is your elder. You should treat him with respect.

Dende: Who asked for your opinion? I am in charge now. As a matter  
of fact I'm throwing you out on your fat ass. Yeah, you and Kami.

Kami: You can't throw us out. I have the deed to Kami's lookout.

Dende: You mean Dende's lookout. And I have the deed. I got it  
when you were declared legally dead.

A voice from offstage yells You only have rental rights. I own the  
tower and everything on it!

Dende: Who the hell is that?

Jerry: Let's find out. Come on out here and tell us your story.

Korin: Don't mind if I do. I'm getting tired of these Namekians  
thinking they're hot shit. I'm the real guardian and everyone knows  
it. (Steps through the curtain wearing sunglasses and a Godsmack T-  
shirt)

Jerry: You're a cat!

Korin: You're a genius!

Vegeta: Where's the loser that shot me in the back?

Goku: I took care of it for you.

Vegeta: I've had enough of your infernal interference Kakarot. I  
can fight my own battles. I am the prince of all Saiyans!

Frieza: You're a prince alright. Here Prince! Come on boy!

Vegeta: Don't look now but your ass is on fire.

Frieza: (turns to look at his ass) Where?

Vegeta: Right there. (As he points a blast fires from his finger  
and lights Frieza's ass on fire)

Krillin: Do I smell smoke?

Jerry: Please... whatever you do... don't fart!

**_Chapter 41_**

Fat Buu: (Farts)

As Buu farts, a huge explosion occurs in the room. Smoke rolls  
everywhere, and everyone is blinded. As the smoke clears, pieces of  
Buu lay all over the room, Goku lays on the floor, armless, Pan and  
Evil Buu are still getting it on, and Piccolo is eating a  
peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Krillin: Can I have a piece of that?

Piccolo: Like hell.

Jerry: Now, we have two more guests to bring out. Dodoria, Zarbon,  
please come on out.

Dodoria and Zarbon make their way out. They both take a seat, smiling  
at Frieza, and then glaring at Vegeta.

Dodoria: You killed us.

Vegeta(laughing): I know.

Zarbon: That was mean of you...

Frieza rolls over to Zarbon and bashes his face off from Zarbon's  
knee. Zarbon begins screaming like a girl and hopping up and down.

Frieza: Vegeta is my bitch. He may be mean, but I like that. (winks)

Dodoria: But Master Frieza!

Zarbon: Weren't we good enough?

Frieza: Well, to be honest with you...no.

Krillin leaps to his feet and runs towards Dodoria.

Krillin: Solar Flare!

Dodoria falls over backwards, rolling out of his seat, and hitting  
the floor, causing the room to shake. He begins rolling around,  
grasping his eyes.

Dodoria: GAAAH!

**_Chapter 42_**

A terribly annoying laugh diverts everyone's attention from Dodoria  
and to the crowd.

King Kai: (rolling on the ground laughing up a storm)

Vegeta: What the hell is your problem!

meanwhile

A camera has followed the men that dragged Yamcha off stage.

The men have hog-tied Yamcha and are in the process of feeling him up.

Yamcha: Hey! Get your hands off of that...PUAR! HEEELLLLPPPP!

Puar: (flies in and shape-shifts into a knife to cut Yamcha loose)

Man 1 and 2: Ahhh! Demon cat!

Puar: (shape-shifts back to normal) That's right, I'm a demon cat! Now get  
the fuck away from my man!

Yamcha: (Stands up, stark naked from being stripped down by the 2 men.)  
Thanks Puar, now I gotta get back in there, my child's about to  
be born!

Puar: (looking jealous) Hey! As soon as that kid is born, I'm killing  
that tramp...I want you all to myself again!

Yamcha: (runs back into the studio and onto the stage, still naked) Whoo Wee!  
That was fun Jerry. Now, if you please, I gotta see my kid!  
(rushes over to Bra and kneels beside her again. then reaches his  
hand between her legs and grabs the baby by it's leg and pulls.) Hey,  
it's a son! Hell yeah, I'm gonna have someone to play baseball with  
now! Wait a min..this isn't his leg!

Puar: (shape-shifts into a giant knife and hoovers over Yamcha's  
shoulder, ready to come down on Bra's neck) I want my man  
back bitch! I'm gonna kill your pansy ass! (starts coming down  
towards Bra's neck)

Jerry: o..k...(turns to his camera man and whispers) Can we get a  
close-up shot of that? good. I want it for my personal collection  
Beheadings are one of my biggest fetishes!

_**Chapter 43**_

Suddenly brightly colored lights begin flashing throughout the  
studio. Smoke drifts across the floor and surrounds everyone in a  
fog. Everyone stops what their doing to look around. A figure  
appears as if from nowhere in the middle of the studio...

Jerry: Excuse me. I'm trying to tape a show here. Who are you and  
why are you here?

Babadi: I am Babadi the wizard. I have come to take control of you  
and everyone here.

Goten: That's a wizard? Trunks? Is that a wizard?

Trunks: Ummm (looks down at the ground) Yeah.

Goten: You lied to me. You said a wizard was what we use to take a  
whiz. And that it was a magic wand. And you can make it grow if you  
have the secret knowledge. All this time I thought we had magic  
powers. Why did you lie to me?

Trunks: Well, uh, um... Gee Goten, I'm sorry.

Goten: Sorry my ass! You always lie to me! Next I'll probably find  
out that we can fuse by just dancing, or putting on earrings or  
something.

Trunks: Well, actually...

Babadi: Phhhttt, Testing. Attention Please! I will start with this  
loser. (Throws hands around in the air and suddenly Jerry falls to  
the ground)

Jerry: Aaaaaaahhhhhh

Babadi: Arise and do my bidding. (Jerry stands up... the letter M  
on his forehead is clearly visible) I'd like to introduce... Majin  
Jerry!

Audience: gasps

_**Chapter 44**_

Babadi: So you want to know the difference in the new Jerry? He's just  
more greedy, and gets horny more often.

Piccolo: Meow Mix rocks!

Piccolo eats a handful. A bulge appears in Jerry's pants.

Babadi: See what I mean?

Jerry: Piccolo, meow mix, yum.

Yamcha shoots a ki blast at Puar, knocking her out of the air.

Yamcha: Stay away from her!

Puar, in knife form, twirls through the air, jabbing into Zarbon's  
arm.

Zarbon: Gaaaaah!

A bigger bulge appears in Jerry's pants.

Jerry: Mmm...Zarbon, knife, blood, yum.

Babidi: Who shall be next to fall victim to my power? How about you,  
fatty?

Babidi looks to Fat Buu, who has seemed to pull himself back together.

Fat Buu: You making me angry!

Buu begins to strain harder than ever before. His head begins to grow  
enormously. Suddenly, his head blows up.

_**Chapter 45**_

Majin Jerry rushes over and grabs Judge Judy. He flings her over his

shoulder and runs offstage. "I'll be right back!"

Piccolo: Yum, Buu brains. Just what this meow mix needed.

Jerry: I'm back! (The bulge in his pants noticibly smaller)

Chi Chi: Oh my. That was rather fast.

Bulma: Just like Vegeta.

Judge Judy: (Walks back in with her robe inside out) Hey. What just  
happened?

Goten: I think Majin Jerry just showed you his magic wizard wand.  
Right Trunks? (Leers at Trunks)

Kami: Popo.. go get my electric rice pot. I have an idea.

Mr. Popo: Yes Kami.

_**Chapter 46**_

Majin Jerry: I need Trunks, Vegeta, Bulma, and everyone that Bulma  
ever slept with to go backstage for a bit.

Everyone stands up, including half the audience and heads backstage.

Majin Jerry: Gohan, sit down.

Gohan: Why?

Majin Jerry: Did you ever sleep with Bulma?

Gohan: (Turns red in the face) Ummm. Yeah.

Majin Jerry: When?

Gohan: Well there was this one time on Namek when we were in this  
cave and Bulma fell asleep and I fell asleep so I guess we slept  
together.

Majin Jerry: Idiot! OK everybody sit down. Let me rephrase this.

I need Vegeta, Trunks, Bulma and anyone that ever screwed Bulma to go  
backstage.

Everyone stands up, except Gohan, including half the audience and  
heads backstage.

Majin Jerry: Excuse me? The women can sit back down.

Bulma: What's this all about?

Majin Jerry: Well you wanted to know who Trunks's father is didn't you? I have a doctor backstage who's going to do a paternity test.

Bulma: Oh, ok. But half the people I slept with aren't here.

Majin Jerry: Well... maybe we'll get lucky.

Bulma: You don't need luck big guy. (winks)

Vegeta: Bulma, you're such a fucking whore!

Kami: Popo! Where's that electric rice pot? Hurry your fat ass up!

_**Chapter 47**_

Popo: Yes Kami!

Popo hustled back stage, looking for the rice pot. Kami glancs  
around, seeing that Piccolo, Dende, Gohan, all of the women, and him  
are the only ones left.

Kami: If only us namekians had balls and a dick...

Piccolo: Hey, look at it this way, we can lay eggs!

Across the room, Bra tends to her baby.

Bra: Now, what can I name him?

#18: I wanted to name Marron #23 when I had her, but Krillin wouldn't  
let me.

Popo rushes from back stage with the rice pot, handing it to Kami.

Kami: Exxxxxceeelllleeennnnt!

Piccolo wanders off back stage.

Kami: I wonder where that fool is going...

About five seconds later, Piccolo walks out in a new attire, consisting of  
a hat turned backwards, a baggy yellow shirt, and some baggy blue  
jeans.

Piccolo: Hey guys. I happen to like this style. I once wore these when  
I was trying to learn to drive.

Kami: Yes...that's...great..

Popo: Great indeed Kami!

Kami: I was being sarcastic you moron. Dende, could you come here?

_**Chapter 48**_

Dende: No. I'm busy ya old bag. (sits and inspects his toes.)

Kami: Fine then I'll do this the hard way! Begins moving his hands  
around like he's a magician

Mr. Popo: Kami! No! Don't do it!

Kami: Shut up. This kid has gone too far.

Mr. Popo: But you might die trying that technique. Tien is the only  
one who knows how to perform the demon incarcerator properly.

Kami: You fucking idiot. Why did you tell him what I was doing?

Dende: Without looking up and still playing with his toes Go for  
it. It won't work anyway.

Kami: You fricken little brat. I'll show you! (Waves his hands  
around some more then yells) DEMON INCARCERATOR!

A wave of energy spirals out from Kami and surrounds Dende. Dende  
sits calmly reciting "This little piggy.." while he is lifted by the  
beam. Kami waves his hands up and over toward the rice pot. Dende  
begins to shrink as the beam pours him into the pot.

Kami: Now Popo!

Mr. Popo: Now what Kami?

Kami: The cover! Put the cover on! Do it now, quick, I can't hold  
him much longer.

Mr. Popo: Ummm... but Kami...

Kami: What?

Mr. Popo: Dende broke the cover last year when I made Mama Zarbon's  
pig balls.

Kami: Oh Shit.

_**Chapter 49**_

After a little while, the noises from the corner cease and Pan and  
Evil Buu come back out from the shadows, fully dressed, though their  
clothes are very dishevelled. They both look very pleased with  
themselves though and are holding hands.

Pan: (after reapplying her black lipstick and eyeliner) Hey Kami, you  
can use this hubcap I swiped off Jerry's car on the way in for a  
cover. (throws it to him like a frisby.)

Majin Jerry: (sticks his head in) You little gothic bitch, what the hell did you swipe my  
hubcap for? Now I'll only have three and that'll look funny.

Pan: (shrugs) Because I could? (gets out her knife and slices her  
knuckles again)

Evil Buu: Now now, you shouldn't hurt yourself. (takes the knife away  
and heals her -after licking away the blood of course-) Mmmmm you  
taste good. (starts necking Pan)

Pan: Mmmmmm that's good...corner?

Evil Buu: I thought you'd never ask. (sweeps her into his arms and  
carries her back into the dark corner)

Majin Jerry: (sweatdrop) But what about me? and my hubcap?

_**Chapter 50**_

Suddenly the lights go out. Only voices are heard.

Kami: Have you got it?

Mr. Popo: Yes I think so.

Kami: What does it feel like?

Mr. Poppo: It's hard and smooth, quite large in circumference.

Kami: OK, good. Now I'm coming closer. Did you grease it up?

Mr. Popo: Not yet.

Kami: Well do it then.

Mr. Popo: I can't find the hole. No, wait, I think I've got it.  
It's too big though. It won't fit.

Kami: Try to force it.

Mr. Popo: Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop. Wait a minute.

Kami: Hurry up. I can't hold it much longer.

Mr. Popo: Kami you're hurting me.

Kami: Stop being a baby. Hurry up and get it in before I explode.

Mr. Popo: Maybe if you just move a little to the right.

Kami: Is that better?

Mr. Popo: Ahhhh, much better.

Kami: I'm gonna push real hard now.

Mr. Popo: Oh, that is tight Kami.

Kami: Almost there... ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

Mr. Popo: Its leaking out.

_**Chapter 51**_

Kami: Wait a minute, leaking out?

Popo: Ahhh, sorry Kami. I was just feeling good, I wanted you to  
carass it.

Kami: Get the damn lid Popo! When we get home, you're going to get a  
beating!

Popo: Sorry Kami...(Hands him the lid.)

Kami throws the lid on. Just as he does, Gohan jumps from his seat.

Gohan: Dende!

Gohan runs forward, drop kicking Kami, and knocking him across the  
room. Popo quickly turns, doing a spin kick, and driving Gohan head first  
through the coffee table. Suddenly, the lid pops off from the pot,  
and Dende emerges, full size again.

Dende: That's it Popo, i've had enough of you!

Dende tosses Piccolo and strange looking earring.

Dende: Put that on your right ear!

Piccolo puts it on his right. Dende puts the other on his left.

Suddenly, the two begin to soar towards each other through the air.

Strangly, they both just collided and collapsed.

Piccolo: Ouch...

_**Chapter 52**_

Dende: stands up and grins Alright, it worked! Piccolo, you know  
what to do! (nods to Piccolo)

Piccolo: (flips up to his feet) Right.

Dende: Yo! Po-Po! Check dis out! Hit it!

A lively rap beat starts as the lights come up. Dende is dressed  
exactly like Piccolo now, complete with sideways turned baseball cap.  
He has a mic in his hand, he flips off both Kami and Popo then starts  
to rap shit about them and their mothers.

The camera pans over to Piccolo, who's now standing behind a DJ  
Booth, his cap turned backwards.

Piccolo: (while scratching records.) Go Dende! Go Dende! Go! GoDende!  
Go Dende! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Dende! Dende! Go!

Popo: Oh no Kami! (Curls up into a ball, hands over his ears) It's  
the music again. That's the same music I told you about. It's  
terrible Kami!

Kami: I know Popo, there's only one way we can counter this  
garbage...Come Popo! grabs Popo by the arm and drags him out of the  
studio.

Dende: stops rapping when he sees them leave Yeah, and stay awayyou dirty fucks!  
(sees Gohan laid out on the ground and rushes over to  
heal him)

In the hallway outside the Jerry Springer studio

Kami: (still dragging Popo behind him) Come Popo...it's this way!

Popo: Where are we going Kami?

Kami: To get the one singer all rappers hate...Britney Spears!

Popo: Ah, hell yeah Kami! I love Britney Spears!

Kami: I know Popo, I know.

_**Chapter 53**_

much later...

Jerry: "We're back! I've had most of our guests removed from the  
stage and locked in the waiting room. Let me re-introduce the  
remaining guests. Trunks here had a secret he wanted to share with  
his family. Seated next to him is Goten, Trunks's boyfriend.  
Trunks's father Vegeta, nice hair by the way, was a little upset to  
say the least when he found out his son is gay. Goku, Goten's  
father, on the other hand seems to be so simple he doesn't even  
understand the concept. Bulma, Trunks's mother, has been accused of  
being a whore by Vegeta. Chi-Chi, Goten's mom, always thought her  
other son, Gohan, was gay and never expected it from Goten. So, now  
that you've all had some time to digest the news... what are your  
feelings?"

The guests all sit staring straight ahead. No one answers.

Jerry: "Trunks? How does it feel to have your secret out in the open  
now?"

Trunks: "OK I guess." looks at his feet "I just wish everyone  
wasn't so mad. I want everyone to get along."

Jerry: "Well this is your lucky day! Stand up and come over here."

Trunks: stands and approaches Jerry "Huh?"

Jerry: "Now, reach into my pocket. Go ahead. Don't be shy."

Trunks hesitantly reaches into Jerry's pants pocket.

Jerry: "What do you feel?"

Trunks: "Uh, feels like balls. Little balls."

Jerry: blushes "Uh try the other pocket. That's better. What do  
you feel?"

Trunks: "Uh, balls? Big balls?"

Jerry: "Right! Now grab my balls and pull them out."

Trunks does as instructed.

Jerry: "Ouch. $#$$$&$#! Not those balls you idiot! The big  
ones you just had your hands on!"

Trunks: (blushes) "Sorry" (pulls out two balls from Jerry's  
pocket) "Dragonballs!"

Jerry: "That's right, Dragonballs. Those two are for you. I have

the other five hidden somewhere in the studio. I will ask each of

you a question. If you get it right I'll tell you where a ball is

hidden. Collect all seven and you get your wish."

Trunks: "Cool"

Jerry: "Very. But first we need to go to a commercial. Don't go  
away."

fade to black

_**Chapter 54**_

2 hours later...

Jerry: "And we're finally back..sorry about the delay folks, we  
couldn't go back on the air until we were..uh...finished...oh, let's  
just roll the fotage of what happened during out commercial break."

3

2

1

Start

The camera picks up with Kami and Popo waltzing down the hallway and  
into BS(Britney Spears)'s dressing room.

Popo: "There she is Kami! it's Britney Spears!"

Kami: "Contain yourself Popo, you can hump her all you like once we  
pay those no good Namekian rappers back for talking about my momma!"

Popo: "YAY! Thankyou so much Kami!"

They waste no time in grabbing BS from behind, and dragging her out  
the door and into the hallway.

BS: (screams) What the hell...Get off of me you freaks!

Popo: (dejected) "You hear that...she called us freaks Kami..and we  
only want her help."

Kami: "Popo you idiot! That's because you grabbed her ass!  
That is not how you greet a popstar/sex symbol...you grab them by the  
front..like this." (Grabs BS's tits)

BS: "Hey! I just had surgery on those!"

Kami: "You did? Doesn't feel like you did..."

Popo: "Kami! Quit screwing around! We gotta take her back to the  
studio!"

Kami: "You're right Popo, let's go"

The camera shows Kami, Popo, and BS walking down the hallway,  
supposedly talking about their plan, but the sound is cut off by  
request, just in case.

Back in the studio

Camera on Dende and Piccolo, who are watching the monitor that shows  
Popo and Kami with BS.

Dende: "Ah Shit, What're we gonna do Piccolo?"

Piccolo: "Simple, Dende. We baracade the door."

Dende: "And if they break through?"

Piccolo: "We rap and talk trash about Brit's mother."

Dende: "But what if she starts singing?"

Piccolo: "That's why we have these." holds up 2 pairs of earplugs

Dende: "I get it..we use the ear plugs, and even tho they aren't  
worth jack crap alone, combine them with our beats, and we won't hear  
nuttin!"

Piccolo: (going to baricade the doors) "Exactly! Now put your

earplugs in and come help me with the door!"

Moments later...

Piccolo is standing behind his DJ booth, Dende is infront of it, with  
a mic in his hand...waiting...  
Kami, Popo, and BS have reached the door to the studio. Popo tries  
the door.

Popo: "It won't budge Kami...they have it blocked."

Kami: "Dammit! It's all that camera guy's fault, for following us like that!"  
(turns around to see BS making out with the camera turns to  
see Popo's eyes watered with tears and his fistsclenched.) "Popo...Sick 'em!"

Popo lets out a fierce battle cry and attacks the camera man,  
knocking him off of BS. Then he starts to finish off BS in his place  
while Kami beats down on the already bloody camera man.

5 minutes later, they all stand up, except the camera man, who had  
his head bit off by an enraged Kami. BS orders both Kami and Popo to  
break the door down, while she changes her clothes. They end up  
ramming their backs into the door, with their heads turned towards  
BS, watching her get dressed. The camera finally goes out, with noone  
to operate it.

3 minutes later, the doors to the studio burst open, and it begins.  
BS comes in, wearing a whorish outfit and a headset mic. Her music  
comes on, and she starts singing.

Dende: "Piccolo! Qiuick, start up the new beat we made!"

Piccolo: "It's no use Dende, it won't work as long as her set's  
plugged up!"

Just then, BS's music stops, and Piccolo's starts. BS looks over to  
see who did it, and who else, but Jerry himself did it.

Jerry: "That'll teach you to come into my studio uninvited you fat  
bitch! Go Dende! Go Piccolo!"

Dende: "Thanks Jerry, now...as for you, Miss Fake-Boobie Spears, It's time  
for us, The Neo-Namekian Rappers, to lay it to your momma!"

Tears flood BS's eyes as she hears them rap about her momma, not to  
mention her and her whorish ways. In less than 5 minutes, she's had  
all she can take, and she runs out of the studio crying. Popo, Kami,  
and a fleet of Camera guys follow after her.  
The little remaining audience cheers Dende and Piccolo on, as they  
continue their rap.

End Tape

Jerry: Well, I sure enjoyed that show. We'll get back to that  
later...For now, let's see about you Trunks...

_**Chapter 55**_

Goku walks back out with Vegeta following him.

Goku: Well, apparently, I'm not Trunks' father. What did they do to

you? They tickled me until I peed out sperm.

Vegeta:...shut up Kakarot.

Goku: What! What did they do to you?

Vegeta: KAKAROT! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A POMPOUS!

Goku: Well sorry Mr. Grumpy. (sticks his tounge out at Vegeta)

Vegeta: Now what are you saying? You want to lick my balls?

Goku: Well, if you want...

Vegeta: YOU'RE AN IDIOT!

Bulma walks out a couple minutes later, her hand clutched onto her  
crotch.

Bulma: God that horrible... It took forever...they made me have an orgasm like  
5 million times!

Krillin: Did they use one of those vibrators?

Bulma: Shut up Krillin! If you were a girl, you'd understand! They made  
me sit on a bucket!

Piccolo: (whispering to Krillin) 5 bucks she shitted in the bucket.

Krillin: You're on.

Bulma: What was that! WHAT DID YOU GUYS SAY?

Steve: Bulma, they need you back. Apparently, you shitted in the  
bucket. You have to do it all over again.

Bulma: This isn't fair! I had gas and I didn't think it was going to  
be a wet one.

Krillin: (gives piccolo 5 bucks) Dammit.

Trunks glances over at Goten and his dick jumps out of his pants.

Trunk: Oh fuck!

Goten: Noooo! Get that magic wand away from me!

Trunks: I can't hold it in any longer!  
(unzips pants and cum drentches Goten)

Goten: I'm under a spell!

Vegeta: You IMBISILS!

Dende: God...that thing looked like a firehose.

Trunks: (slaps his dick) Down boy!

His dick started to point left and then right.

Trunks: NOOO!

Goku: It looks like a metal detector.

His dick lunged forward and Trunks zoomed through the crowd. It  
stopped by jerry and it pointed itself at condom. Trunks grabbed onto  
his dick and it shook him violently.

18: Get that thing back in your pants!

Trunks: I'm trying!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 56**

Vegeta: Idiot! (delivers a chop to the back of Trunks's neck, knocking

him unconscious)

Goten: (about to cry) Y...YY...You killed Trunks! Why? Why? Why? (runs up and starts beating on Vegeta's chest with his fists)

Vegeta: (backhands Goten across the face, sending him crashing into the wall and unconscious) Now that I've silenced those two fags...Who's Next?

Jerry: Wait Vegeta! We still haven't found out who Trunks's real father is yet.

Vegeta: Like I give a shit!

Jerry: Well...ok. (rips up the envelope)

Bulma: You mean I went through all that shit for nothing?

Goku: Yup...seems that way.

Bulma: (glares at Goku) I wasn't talking to you! (picks up Goku's arm and beats him over the head with it)

ChiChi: You bitch! Give me that! (snatches the arm away from Bulma, pulls out her sewing kit, and starts to sew Goku's arm back on for him)

Goku: (sees the sewing needle) Ahhh! Needle! (faints)

Jerry: (shakes his head in pity and mutters) Well...I guess it can't get any better/worse than this...

A new message appears on his teleprompter.

Jerry: (looks up and notices) Hey! It seems we have another guest to introduce. Please welcome Broly!

Dende: Eew! I hate Broccoli!

Chiaotzu: Yeah! Me too! Broccoli sucks! Broccoli sucks!...

Whole audience: (joins in chanting) Broccoli sucks! Broccoli sucks!...

Gohan: But I like broccoli...

Everyone: Shut up wuss!

Gohan: (starts crying again)

Goten: (wakes up) Broly? Him again? I thought we killed him...twice..

Marron: (gets up and starts giving Krillin a lap dance)

Broly walks in dressed in his normal Saiyan attire, a blank expression on his face. He sits down beside Krillin, who is too entranced by Marron to notice.

Jerry: Now Broly, it says here that you're a skitzo. Tell us, what's that like?

Broly just sits there, staring blankly ahead. His eyes widen when he sees Goku unconscious with ChiChi putting the finishing touches on his arm.

Broly: Katarotto...

Goku: (wakes up, his mouth watering) Did somebody say tacos?

Broly: Kakarotto...

Chiaotzu: I think he said carrots...eew! I don't like carrots! Carrots suck! Carrots suck!

Piccolo: (drives another baseball off the side of Chiaotzu's head) Yeah! We get the point!

Jounouchi: (runs onto the set) Hey guys, sorry I'm...late. (looks around) Whoops! Sorry...wrong set.

Chiaotzu: JOEY! (attaches himself to Jou's leg and starts humping) Save me from the evil green snotball!

Jounouchi: Hey! Get the fuck off me you little mime creep! Before I sick my Red Eyes Black Dragon on you!

Broly: (stands up) KAKAROTTO! (goes SSJ)

Trunks: (wakes up, stands up, and dresses himself) Wha...what happened? (notices Broly) Oh fuck!

Goten: TRUNKS! YOU'RE ALIVE! (glomps Trunks then stands up and turns away, crossing his arms) I'm still not talking to you!

Gohan: (looks around and chuckles) I feel sorry for you...last time you needed my help to kill him...not gonna get it now.

Spiderman: (shoots Broly in the mouth with a web) Leave him to me!

Captain Planet: (stands up) Yeah! We're the real super heroes here! Besides, he's polluting my sound waves! He needs to be punished! (charges at Broly)

Goku: No! Stop!

Broly: (extends his arm and vaporizes Captain Planet with a KI blast, then stalks towards Goku) K..mmmph!

Spiderman: (wraps Broly in webbing)

Goten: Eew! He's covering him in boogies!

Broly: (charges to "Legendary" SSJ, breaking the webs) KAKAROTTOOOOO! (grabs Spiderman and breaks his back over his knee, then vaporizes him with a KI blast)

Jounochi: No, I don't want any tacos!

Broly: (returns to normal and takes his seat, a blank expression on his face)

Frieza: (upon witnessing Broly's actions) Ooh! He's even more manly than you Vegeta! (rolls over to Broly and begins feeling him up)

Broly: (just sits there, staring straight ahead, expression unchanging)

Trunks: (to Gohan) Like we need your help! All I gotta do is fuse with Goten again!

Goten: Like that's gonna happen! You ain't getting any fusion from me!

Jerry: Well, it seems you two are having some relationship problems...Tell us Goten.

Goten: Well, I'm pissed off that Trunks lied to me! He's lied to me no less than twice now!

Dende: Well, it's better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Frieza: Speak for yourself! (cracks his whip)

Dende: (eeps and recoils in fear)

Frieza: Yes! Fear me! Ha Ha Ha!

Bra: (takes off her shirt, exposing her bare breasts. Then wraps her child in it and starts breast-feeding him) Now...what to name you..

Yamcha: How 'bout Yamcha Jr?

Bra: Hmm..nah.

Yamcha: Why not? He's my son!

Bra: (glares evilly at Yamcha) I know that! But I still say NO!

Yamcha: Yeesh! You remind me of your mother...I like that. (kisses Bra)

Bulma and Vegeta: (stand up, about to attack Yamcha)

Bra: (noticing her parents) MOM! DAD! Don't even think about it!

Bulma and Vegeta: (grumble and take their seats, still glaring at Yamcha with intent to harm)

Broly: (stares at Bra's bare chest)

Jerry: Oookay, I guess we're not going to get any comments from Broly, so onto our next guest! Please welcome Uub!

Uub walks in, a facade of confidence on his face. He takes a seat on the opposite end of the stage from Goku.

Jerry: Uub, it says here that you've come here to confront someone, please tell us about this.

Uub: Well Jerry, this all started when I was a kid, when I first met Goku...When he took me into the time chamber to "train."

Flashback

Goku: (starting to strip) Okay Uub, you ready to start training?

Uub: Yes sensei...Uh, why are you stripping?

Goku: (turns to face Uub, butt naked) It's part of your training...(walks towards the terrified Uub)

End Flashback

Uub: (about to cry) He...He...HE RAPED ME! Repeatedly! We never did any training! He called me his bitch...He also refused to use my name...Instead he called me, "Vegeta."

ChiChi: (bitch-slaps Goku) How could you! I want a divorce now dammit!

Goku: But...ChiChi..I never did that!

Uub: Yes you did! I brought the surveillance tape in from then! (produces a tape from his pocket)

Goku: Oh fuck! (shoots a finger KI blast at the tape, destroying it)

Uub: (annoyed look) I knew you'd do that...That's why I gave the producer a copy.

Surveillance tape comes on and shows that everything Uub said was true

Goku (on tape): (fucking Uub) Yeah! Take it bitch! That's right Vegeta!

Vegeta: (charges to SSJ and blasts the screen) KAKAROT! (fires another blast at Goku, blowing his other arm off)

ChiChi: (sees the tape and faints)

Frieza: Oh my...Looks like all you monkeys are the same...(rolls over to Goku, who is bending over to pick his arm up) And such a well-toned ass too...It makes me want to caress it!

Goku: (stands up and shakes his finger in a "no-no" fashion) Uh-uh. You can look but you can't touch.

Frieza: (cracks his whip at Goku) I'll do as I please! (proceeds to caress Goku's ass)

ChiChi: (wakes up and sees Frieza) WHA...! (tackles Frieza to the ground and proceeds to slap him across the face, which ends up in a girlish slap-fight between the two)

Jerry: I can see you all have some pent up energies that need to be released. I think it's time for our next musical guests! Please welcome The Ginyu Force!

The lights go out and everyone gets quiet. A silhouette of five figures walk onto the stage, the smallest one being a type of frog. They line up single-file, tallest to shortest. A spotlight comes on as the music starts. All five of them are dressed in nothing but their underpants, each with a single fig leaf in front, covering the crotch.

Recoome: G!

Burter: R!

Jeice: Dabru E!

Guldo: N!

Ginyu Frog: (standing on his hind legs with a translator strapped to his neck) Leaves!...

They proceed to sing "Yatta" by Happa-tai while dancing like Happa-tai in their "Yatta" music video. (A/N: If you haven't seen the video, think of a cross between "YMCA" and cactaurs from Final Fantasy X/X-2) At the end of the song, Gohan and Jerry are on stage dressed in the same attire as the Ginyu Force, dancing with them. The Ginyu Frog jumps into Bulma's lap and starts to nuzzle her.

Bulma: Hey little guy...Ooh, a little to the right. Yesss, that's the spot!

Vegeta: I knew it! I knew there was something going on between you two! So he's the real father!

Trunks: Then how come I can go Super Saiyajin?

Vegeta: That's what I'd like to know! (glares at Bulma and raises a brow when he realizes she's not paying any attention)

Broly: (still staring at Bra breast-feeding her newborn)

Jou: (raises a brow as sees the "musical guest" and starts backing up towards the nearest exit) Uh...I'm gonna go now...

Piccolo: Yeah, get outta here! You saw what happened to the other non-DBZ characters!

Chiaotzu: Joey! Don't leave me! (climbs up Jou's leg to his back and humps harder)

Jou: Hey! What the...Goddammit! (falls flat on his face) Okay, I won't leave! Just **get the fuck off me!**

Chiaotzu: Yay! (jumps up and down cheering)

Babadi: Ahh, an excellent choice for my new and improved slave! (waves his hands about) HAAA!

Jou: (rolls over and starts screaming) Get outta my head!

Babadi: (starts doing pelvic thrusts)

Jou: Gah! Stop raping me! You're raping my mind!

Babadi: That's right! You're my new bitch! Now arise Majin Jou!

Majin Jou: (crawls up to Babadi on all fours and woofs like a dog)

Chiaotzu: Ooohh! Joey's a doggie now!

Bra: (moans as Yamcha latches his lips to her other nipple) Hey Yamcha! Save some for the baby!

Bulma: (pushes the Ginyu frog away) Hey I have a good name for the baby...How about "Tightie-whitie?"

Bra: (between various moans and gasps) How about no! I'm not going to name my child after an undergarment!

Broly: (continues staring at Bra, her newborn, and Yamcha)

Goku: (tries to fit his arm back into place) Chichi! I told you to wait till after the show to mess with Frieza!

ChiChi: (sits up) So? When was the last time I listened to you? You're not my daddy!

Goku: B...but ChiChi! (waves his amputated arm at her)

Frieza: (whips Goku) Yeah! You're not her daddy! She can do what she wants!

Piccolo: (stands up and throws a fist into the air) Yeah!

Roshi: (crawls up to Goku on all fours) We swears to do what you wants! _Gollum Gollum_!

Krillin: (jerks back on Roshi's leash) Get back over here! BAD Hermit!

Roshi: (holding both arms out to Goku) Master! Save us!

Goku: (chuckles) Save you? Why should I? (slaps Roshi with his amputated arm)

Roshi: (growls and lunges at Goku, snapping the leash) It's ours it is! Your ballses! Give us your ballses!

Goku: (reaches into his pocket and pulls out a one-star ball) Fine! (throws it at Roshi, hitting him in the forehead) You're not getting the other one! It belonged to my grandpa!

Vegeta: Nobody gives a rat's ass about your dead "grandfather" Kakarot! (makes quotation symbols with his fingers as he says "grandfather")

Goku: Oh stuff it you…you…you big meanie!

Vegeta: Come now Kakarot, you're acting like your son.

Chichi: Like father like sons.

Piccolo: I never knew my father….He died seconds after laying me.

Chiaotzu: Eeew! You got laid by your father?

Piccolo: As an egg! (gives Chiaotzu a death-glare)

Roshi: (regains consciousness, picks up the ball, and does a happy-dance) Wheeee! It's ours it is! No one shall ever take it from us again!

Dende: (sneaks up and snatches the ball away from Roshi) Haha!

Roshi: (growls at Dende)

Dende: Gohan! Catch! (tosses the ball to Gohan)

Gohan: (catches the ball) Ha ha! Keep away!

Gohan and Dende proceed to play "Keep away from Roshi" with the Dragon Ball.

Roshi: You're making me angry…you won't like me when I'm angry. (growls and grunts like he's constipated, his muscles and upper body begin to bulge)

Krillin: Run for cover! He's gonna blow!

Everyone: (stops what they're doing and hides down behind their chairs)

Roshi: (still growing, face turning red, then blue, still grunting)

A/N: It was at this point that I was at a standstill in my writing. I came up with 2 possible ways to go from here, wrote out a short example of what would happen with each one, and showed some friends of mine the manuscript. Here are those 2 options

Option #1: "Hulk"

Roshi: (stops growing when he reaches a height of 6ft then starts stomping around, knocking chairs over) Hulk SMASH! SMASH! (stomps over to Dende and Gohan) SMASH! (brings his fists down on the tops of Gohan and Dende's heads)

Dende: (looks up and blinks at Roshi)

Gohan: (eyes water, tries to hold back from crying)

Dende: (raises a brow at Gohan) Oh c'mon Gohan! You can't tell me that hurt!

Gohan: It's not that…(points at Roshi's ripped pants laying on the floor a few feet away) and that (points at Roshi's naked/exposed crotch)

Dende: Holy shit!

Bulma: (peeking out from behind her chair) What? Let me see! (spots Roshi's extremely large dick) Oh my…I should have let that old man have me from the start! (runs over to Roshi and attaches herself to his leg)

Option #2: "Heart attack and soil"

Roshi: (continues growing till he reaches a height of 6ft, then suddenly clutches his hands to his chest and falls over, reverting back to normal size)

Gohan and Dende: (peeking out from behind their chairs, blinking) Is he….dead?

A loud "fart" noise is heard coming from Roshi's general direction.

Jerry: Steve! Go check it out for me!

Steve: (looking at Bulma from behind) looks fine to me…

Jerry: Not her! The old man on the floor there!

Steve: Right! (walks up to Roshi then turns back around) But I don't wanna!

Jerry: (glares at Steve and points at Roshi)

Steve: (frowns and turns back to the old man, broom in hand, and lightly pokes Roshi in the side with the end of the handle) he smells…

A large bulge is quite noticeable in the base of Roshi's under garments.

Steve: (poking at the bulge) it's squishy…and this handle is leaving imprints…

Krillin: Uh oh…he shitted his pants again.

Suddenly, Roshi's pants rip at the ass and out crawls a ½ ft piece of shit with arms, legs, eyes, and a mouth.

Mr. Hankey: Hooooooooowdy Hooo! (waves an arm at everyone as he speaks)

Piccolo: Oh shit…

A/N: Of course, the winning option was Option #2. And now, on with the show!

Roshi: (blinking his eyes open slowly) uhhh…(sees Mr. Hankey) Holy shit dude….Mr. Hankey, what the fuck are you doing here? It's not Christmas!

Mr. Hankey: (leaps into Roshi's mouth and starts sliding in and out) Shut up bitch! I'm in charge now! I've been crawling around inside you feeding off your power for years now! (leaps out of Roshi's mouth and starts prancing around) That's right! I'm stronger than all you bitches now!

Vegeta: Bullshit! There's no way you can be stronger than the Prince of all Saiyans!

Suddenly, the top of Mr. Hankey (little area above his eyes) turns into a golden-yellow color and a KI aura flares up around him.

Everyone: O.O!

Vegeta: I…it's a trick! There's no way!

Goku: Come now Vegeta, you're sounding like Mr. Satan.

Mr. Hankey: Now I'm Super Shit! The strongest of them all!

Vegeta: (grumbles) yeah, sure…I could squash you if I wanted to, but I just polished my boots!

Mr. Hankey: (flies towards Vegeta and starts bitch-slapping him and sliding in and out of his mouth like he did with Roshi) Who's your daddy now bitch?

Vegeta: (goes SSJ 4 and spits Mr. Hankey out of his mouth) You vile, disgusting piece of shit!

Mr. Hankey: (fires a KI blast at Vegeta, temporarily stunning him) Noone spits out a Super Shit-Jin! Now you must suffer! (goes up to Vegeta, rips his pants off, and starts sliding his way up Vegeta's ass, moving in and out) Yeah! Who's the strongest now little prince?

Trunks: Dad! Somebody help him! Babadi, send your "dog" to help!

Babadi: (rubbing under Jou's chin) Why should I? You never helped me!

Trunks: True enough…Ok, Chiaotzu, it's up to you!

Chiaotzu: (rubbing Jou's belly) Me?

Trunks: Yeah! You're the only one with the stomach to handle Mr. Hankey!

Chiaotzu: You want me to eat him? Eeeww!

Trunks: Yeah! It won't be that hard, just picture it as a big Tootsie Roll!

Chiaotzu: Yay! I love Tootsie Rolls! (runs over, pulls Mr. Hankey out of Vegeta's ass, and eats him)

Vegeta: (able to move again, then notices he's naked from the waist down and Chiaotzu's standing behind him) ….(grumbles) I don't even wanna know.

Chiaotzu: (looks up at Vegeta, smiling, shit stains on the sides of his mouth, and belches) Not bad…didn't taste like a Tootsie Roll, but not bad…

1/2 of the audience and guests: (turn away and vomit)

Jerry: Uh…looks like we need some heavy maintenance and clean-up crews here. Judge Judy, mind if we use your studio?

Judge Judy: Just as long as we don't see anymore talking shit, no.

Everyone: (gets up and starts walking to Judge Judy's studio)

Pan: Aww man! I was just about to cum again!

Evil Buu: Uh oh..

Pan: What?

Evil Buu: I think my protection broke…

Pan: Wha! (goes silent for a few moments then takes out her dagger and cuts her hand again)

Evil Buu: (takes the dagger and flings it into the wall, near the ceiling, and heals Pan's hand) I'm glad you're taking it so well…(snakes his tongue out and licks up the blood)

Pan: (trying to smile) Meh, I don't care anymore! Let's get dressed and get out of this room! It stinks in here!

Meanwhile, en route to the set of Judge Judy

Jerry: (thinking to himself) This show is great! I wonder if this is going to be the start of a revolution in my show...I can see it now! Anime and video game characters from all over come to reveal their darkest secrets on The Jerry Springer Show! (smiles inwardly)

And then there's Bra, who is _still_ walking around with hardly any clothes on, still feeding her child

Broly: (staring at the child/Bra's breasts) Kakarotto...Kakarotto...(drools on Bra's shoulder)

Bra: (bitch-slaps Broly) Fuck No! I'm not going to name my child after a veggie either!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 57**

-Commercial Break-

Voice over: Guys, are you tired of the constant nagging of the women in your life? Ladies, are you irritated by your children or the incompetence of your husband? If you answered any form of 'yes!' to any of these questions, then we have the solution for you! Try NEW Maximum Strength Dammitol! Just take 2, and the rest of the world can 'Go to Hell!' for up to 8 hours.

-Back to the show-

Video clip recaps the journey through the hallway and then fades into the set of the Judge Judy Show. Jerry is sitting in the Judge's chair,  
Steve is standing by the door, in the bailf's spot. The guests are dispersed in the front rows, with what's left of the audience sitting with 2 empty rows between them and the guests.

Jerry: And we're back. As you have seen, we have had quite the interesting show today...

He is cut off by the loud growl of Goku's stomach rumbling, then Gohan's, Goten's, and soon, every Saiyan's stomach is rumbling in unison.

Jerry: Ok, What the hell is that?

Goku: I'm hungry!

Goten & Trunks (in unison): Me too!

Gohan: Same here.

Jerry: Well...so am I..a little...is anyone else here hungry?

Everyone but Chiaotzu: murmurs various forms of "yes"

Chiaotzu: (belches) I just ate though...

Jerry: Well, sorry. We're in the middle of a show, and we can't afford to stop for a lunch break!

Everyone: (sighs and groans)

Vegeta: (Stands up and shouts) This looks like a job for the Great Lord Vegeta! snaps his fingers twice

As Vegeta snaps, a Japanese grill is carried into the room and placed in front of the Judge's podium, along with various containers of unknown substances. The people carrying the grill turn the heat on and walk off the set.

Vegeta: approaches the grill then turns to face the rest of the guests Trunks, Bulma, get up here!

Trunks and Bulma turn to each other and nod in agreement, apparently knowing what Vegeta has in mind, and then make their way up to the front of the room, and stand off to the side of Vegeta, but out of his way.

Vegeta: Now, you better get good and ready

I, the Lord Vegeta,

Shall cook a-plenty!

(starts singing as he starts pulling things out of the containers)

First of all, the cabbage, chop it finely

Smash it into atoms for me!

Trunks & Bulma: (singing backup) chop it up, chop it up, chop, chop it up

Vegeta: You're next, you bastard carrot!

That name of yours sounds like the word for "humans"

Small, completely spineless bastard

Your bitter taste makes one puke!

Ha ha ha ha ha !

But that tack won't work against me!

Now, slowly peel off all of the skin

Reveal, reveal, let's carve it up!

Trunks & Bulma: Reveal, reveal, reveal, reveal

Vegeta: Ooooh, next we have the meat of a pig!

Ah, it is so well glazed

Now you watch the fresh bastard

Violently throbbing chest, great garnish!

Now, concentrate all your power

200g in one gulp is all there is to a coma!

Trunks & Bulma: Ragged, Ragged, Ragged, Ragged-ged-ged-aaah

Vegeta: Alright, the challenge is with the yam!

Why you, putting on a rough exterior and all that

I'm going to strip that skin of yours!

Trunks & Bulma: Slipp'ry, Slipp'ry, Slipp'ry, Slipp'ry, Sticky, Sticky,  
Sticky, Sticky

Vegeta: You naughty bastard!

Trunks & Bulma: Scrub it, Scrub it, Scrub it, Scrub it, Dirty, Dirty,  
Dirty, Dirty

Vegeta: Twirl your hand to finish it right off!

You're oh so slippery and make me itch

But you won't defeat me

Till the end I'll scrub you out I'd bet my honor on it!

(breathing heavily)

Now, you blasted left-over scraps

I'll round each of you up to the last piece!

Mix the water in with the flour!

Stuff in some Tenkasu and egg yolks!

Drop in some shredded ginger

And mix!

Trunks & Bulma: Mix mix mix

Vegeta: And you bastards a while ago, oh so, so sloppy

Mix them all in one big mess

Then just cook them up on an iron plate slowly, carefully

Trunks & Bulma: Sizzle, Sizzle, Sizzle

Vegeta: And for the finishing touch, green seaweed in sauce with Okaka!

How now, have you had enough already!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

The Okonomiyaki Battle is over

Now, open your mouth wide

This is the peak of perfection!

Oh blast it,

I just completely forgot the mayonnaise!

-A/N: This song is called "Vegeta's Cooking Hell", and is a real song.-

Chiaotzu: (stands up and throws a jar of mayonnaise at Vegeta, cracking it off his forehead) There ya go!

Vegeta: (rubs his head and grumbles) yeah yeah...you'll get yours soon!

Chiaotzu: (appears between Vegeta and Bulma) Sure...I'll be waiting.  
(slaps Bulma's ass and then kicks Vegeta in his Achilles tendon)

Vegeta: (stumbles forward, barely catching himself before he falls flat onto the still hot grill)

Bulma: (giggles lightly) Stop playing around you two. Ok everyone, let's eat!

Vegeta: (grumbles something about hunting down a recipe for "Clown-puppet stew")

2 hours and 50lbs of Okonomiyaki later

Goku: Ooooh, man I'm stuffed...what am I doing here again?

Other guests: (show various signs of agreement)

Jerry: (bangs the gavel) We're here to do my show!

Judge Judy: (stands up and approaches Jerry) Hold it right there buster!  
Only I get to bang the gavel around here, it's my gavel and my set. You bang that one more time and I'm sending you to the big house, where you'll have your gavel banged...constantly. By tall, muscle-bound,  
balding men with tattoos in the shape of hearts on their arms, thighs,  
and buttocks. Ya get the picture?

Jerry: (raises a brow at Judge Judy) Uh...yeah...I get the picture.  
Anyways, our next guest is ready and anxious to come out. So let's welcome Yajir...

Balif: (interrupts) All rise! Case number 1337, Yajirobe vs Maron.

Jerry: Hey...wait a minute.

Judy: (moving to take her rightful position) MISTER SPRINGER! If you speak without being spoken to one more time, I will hold you in contempt of court! pushes him off to the side You will get your turn...

Yajirobe and Maron walk in from opposite sides of the room. Yajirobe apparently had someone bring him some okonomiyaki, because he has a small remnant of mayo on the corner of his mouth. Maron, on the other hand, is not her usual chipper self. Her expression is solemn and in her hand she clutches a brightly colored pink handkerchief dotted with yellow polka dots. She and Yajirobe take their places at the "Plantif"  
and "Defendant" podiums.

Judge Judy: (eyes Maron and Yajirobe) Oh boy...

Marron: (nudges Krillin) Who's that daddy? She has the same name as me.

Krillin: That's the girl who was almost your mother...and the inspiration behind my book...too bad it never worked out between us.

Marron puts her arms around Krillin and pulls his face into her cleavage.

Krillin: (smiling and talking into her) I have all that I'll ever need in you and your mom, so don't you worry.

Judge Judy: Alright...Miss Maron, you're suing Mister Yajirobe for... a dead cat?

Maron: (bursts out crying) YES.

Judge Judy: Oh dear lord, child, GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF!

Maron: (sniffles and blows her nose into her handkerchief) Sorry your honor...

Judge Judy: Now, tell me your story Miss Maron.

Maron: Well, after I broke up with my bald and seriously lacking in the penis department boyfriend, Krillin, I met Yajirobe in the middle of a desert.

Marron: (stands up, knocking Krillin to the floor) I OBJECT! My daddy does NOT lack in the penis department!

#18 jumps up and clasps her hand over Marron's mouth, pulling her back to her seat.

Judge Judy: (raises an eyebrow and spots Krillin, who is picking himself up off the floor) Is this true, Mister Krillin?

Krillin: (stutters) I..uh...well..I...y-yeah. It's true your honor. But at that time, I was unaware of the powers of 'Bob' and Enzyte!

#18 starts whistling the "Enzyte tune"

Krillin: (turns and smiles at #18) Yes, 18 made me get right on it before she'd even let me taker her out on a date.

Judge Judy: That's...too much information, Mister Krillin. Now take your seat. I want no further outbursts. You may continue your story, Miss Maron.

Maron: I thought he had a nice car and he had a nice big sword in which he could protect me with, so I got with him. He ended up being a good cook and a really nice guy that bought me whatever I wanted, and we lived in a big tower, right under where the current god lives.

Dende smiles at this. Him and Piccolo pump fists.

Maron: We lived with this cat named Korin, and he was really cute and sweet and was really into growing these sensei beans.

Goku: (nudges Vegeta) Sensei beans? What are those?

Vegeta: Hell if I know.

Yajirobe: (turns around) She means the senzu beans you morons!

Judge Judy: MISTER Yajirobe, if you please. Sit Down and Shut Up!

Yajirobe: (notices there's no chair or stool for him to sit on) But I..

Judge Judy: (interrupts) I don't wanna hear it! We'll get to you soon enough...and clean that white shit off the side of your mouth! It's sickening me.

Yajirobe wipes his finger along the side of his mouth till he removes the mayo, then licks it off.

Judge Judy: Now, Miss Maron...continue.

Maron: But he was really big, like...the size of a 6 year old child and walked around on his hind legs and spoke and stuff, so I wanted a kitty of my own. Yajirobe got it for me and it was the sweetest cutest thing.  
I have pictures of her, your honor, her name was Cottonball.

The bailf comes and takes a manila folder from Maron's podium and hands it to Judge Judy. She opens the folder to find it's full of hundreds of photos of Cottonball in all kinds of situations. From sitting in the litterbox taking a dump to being huggled and squeezed in Maron's deadly bear hug. Judge Judy rolls her eyes and then signals for her to continue.

Maron: One day, however, I walked into our bedroom and...AND YAJIROBE WAS FUCKING POOR COTTONBALL.

Judge Judy: ...

Jerry: (crosses his arms and pouts) I should have had them on my show...

Judge Judy: (leans over and whispers to him) I agree...maybe we can send them to your show for counseling later. (sits back up and turns to Yajirobe) Is this true?

Yajirobe: ...yes

Judge Judy: ...

Yajirobe: The thing is...she's the first girlfriend I'd ever had...and I was just so used to living with Korin that I didn't realize how...sexy cats were. Yeah, I admit it. I'm a furfag. I first realized it after Maron got the cat and... it watched me fap one night.

Judge Judy: It watched you FAP? Define FAP for me, Mister Yajirobe.

Yajirobe: ...well...uh...it's when a guy uh...you know.

Judge Judy: NO, Mister Yajirobe. I DON'T know.

Yajirobe: ...Masturbate! Fapping is my term for when I masturbate, ok?  
There, I said it!

Judge Judy: You let a CAT watch you MASTURBATE, Mister Yajirobe? What the fuck? Was she not putting out for you or something?

Yajirobe: N-no...it's not that! I just...find cats so exciting. And I needed some...relief. Usually I'd fap to all the pictures of Korin I took when he was unconcious after I drugged and fucked him that time,  
but Cottonball was so much more...accessible at the time.

Judge Judy: STOP! Just stop it right there and get out...OUT! Both of you! You've made a mockery out of me and my court by bringing this before me. You don't belong on my show, you belong on HIS! (points to Jerry and screams in rage before storming off)

Jerry: (steps up and takes Judge Judy's place behind the podium after Yajirobe and Maron have left. Looking down, he sees Korin now seated in the front row) Your thoughts on the matter?

Korin: That's some fucked up shit...no wonder my ass hurt so bad for that one week...

Cricket chirps...

Piccolo: (picks up and eats the cricket with a loud crunch)

Jerry: ..um..ok...yeah. Moving on! Our next guest can't be here with us in person, however he has opted to be with us live via satalite feed.

Goku: (stands up) Feed? Food? Where?

Chichi: (grabs Goku by the ear and yanks him back down into his chair)  
You just ate! You can wait at least another hour you oinker!

Puar: Don't go bringing Oolong into this now, I've had enough problems with him hitting on me already.

Goku: But Chichi! Awwwnnn! (crosses his arms and pouts)

Jerry: (pulls a whip out from behind the judge podium and cracks it at Steve) Manbitch, stop oogling the guests and bring out the TV so I can finish introducing our next guest!

Steve stops staring at Bra and runs off to do as he's told.

Bra: (stands up) I've got it! I know what to name my child! Pot! That's right son (strokes her baby's head lightly) I'm going to name you Pot.  
After my good friend Pan. (looks off to the corner to see Pan and Buu still going at it hot and heavy)

Vegeta: (glares at Bra) WHAT? You're naming it after a Kakarot spawn!  
That's it, I'm stripping you of your royalty status. You give the Royal Bloodline a bad name! Both of you! (turns to Trunks) You're both stripped of your status! I have no children!

Jerry: (bangs the gavel) Now now Vegeta, what's got you pissed off now?

Vegeta: EVERYTHING! As soon as this show's over, you're all dead!

Bulma: (thwarps Vegeta in the head with a frying pan) Sit down and shut up! You will do no such thing Mister!

Vegeta: (grumbles and sits down) Yes dear...

Bulma: (gives Chichi a thumbs up and hands her the frying pan back and whispers to her) Thanks Chich.

Steve: (bursts through the door pushing a 32" TV on a rolling shelf)  
Delivery!

Jerry: Ah, good. Now I can finish introducing our next guest. Please welcome Shenlong! (presses the remote to turn the TV on)

The TV remains blank.

Jerry presses the button again.

Nothing happens.

Jerry: Damnit, what's going on now? (checks the batteries in the remote)  
Nope, those are fine...Steve! Hurry and plug the damn thing in!

Steve: (walking back from the outlet) It is plugged in.

Jerry: Damn thing won't turn on! turns to the camera Looks like we're going to have to take a short break while I figure out how to get this thing on...

-cut to black-


End file.
